Emotional eating can create the yo-yo effect of weight loss and weight gain. Many people overeat as a way to ignore pain, escape emotions, and punishment from the day. It's not about will power, you need a community and an action plan. Listen to the podcast episode.
At first a person may just realize they need to lose weight and join a myriad of diet plans. They do the plan, lose the weight but the unfortunate happens. The root cause of why they overate pops back in their life or an emotional stressor happens, gain some weight back and now the Yo-Yo effect of gaining and losing weight begins.
Diet plans can range from ‘traditional diets’, weight loss pills, intense exercise etc coupled with counseling, 12 step programs, over eating groups and the like. Big problem with all these methods is they tend to focus on food and avoidance behaviors instead of finding out WHY it’s happening on an emotional and trauma level.
Emotional Eating vs Boredom Eating
- Boredom eating is habitual eating. It can be triggered by routines and mindlessness. It can also be a way to fill the silence and avoid thinking about stresses of the day or dealing with issues in our life, especially at night by yourself in front of a TV and the business of the day slows down.
- Emotional eating can be from stress and avoiding dealing with emotions.
Busy mode keeps us from thinking about life and emotions and stress so when we have a silence part of the day, food can fill us and we don’t have to process those feelings.
When you are eating, overeating for sure, it can numb you out and you don’t think, feel or need to process the drama of the day or what is coming.
Many over-eaters are over feelers and super critical about themselves and about eating to much so it becomes a cycle.
Start your day with a Centering Routine.
Many of our overeating is due to stress. If we can have a list of things that may happen today then we can better plan for those stressful encounters throughout the day. A gratitude journal can be helpful too.
Meditation, music, prayer, or journaling can be a centering routine.
Get grounded and in tune with ourself first before tackling the day. This can be a deeply spiritual 20 minutes and those deposits early in the day can last and help you during those difficult times throughout the day. You can feed on teh truths of the morning instead of coffee, chocolate, chips, alcohol etc. (also taking a quick walk can help).
PEP Test- What does the food do For us?
Is this food going to service one of these functions, and if so don’t eat at that moment.
- P: Pain Killer from emotions or issues w work,
- E: Escape from what needs to be dealt with ,
- P: Punishment from the day and being critical or guilt
I lost control. I can’t believe i just did it again. This can lead to self hatred and depression and begins the food addiction type of behavior where they can’t course correct.
Are there any foods you can over eat on that are less caloric dense?
Counseling has it place when you have trauma and these coping mechanisms to deal with abusive people (parents as a kid for instance) that served you well as a child but are no a hindrance in your adult personality and adult relationships.
Willpower is generally not enough. We need a support group, spiritual guidance and those type of things.
Anatomy of an Emotional Eater: 24 traits explained in her book (people pleaser is #1)
It can be hard to live with a chronic over-eater – dieter person because there is a lot of self absorbed behavior and when you feel bad about yourself you may not accept the love someone else is trying to give you as well as not want to be touched intimately.
Author HEAL YOUR HUNGER and podcast of 300 episodes www.healyourhunger.com Take the quiz to see if you have an issue.HEAL YOUR HUNGER , love notes from hell , boundaries
Show notes can be found at https://adoctorsperspective.net/176 here you can also find links to things mentioned and the full transcript
00:00:00 – 00:05:02
Episode 176, emotional eating causes complications Solutions, I'm your host, doctor's office with Fleur and today we are Trisha Nelson's perspective during 2017 and 18 podcast Awards, nominated, host, and best-selling author on Amazon as we get a behind the curtain. Look at all types of doctor and get special teas. Let's hear a doctor's perspective, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Episode 176. Oh my goodness, there's been so many years and this one will not disappoint you. It's a heavy topic. Emotional, eating overeating reasons people, do it, why it's so hard. You know you lose ten. You gain twenty just bouncing joins the program to talk about that in her book. He'll your hunger, which also has a podcast of over three hundred episodes. Pretty impressive. Hey, if you're looking for some things that we've released on the show, recently, we have the rehab app. In a series 13 different people, you can go to a doctor's perspective. Net / to download the guide jam-packed with great people. Hey not too just self plug myself down here but I was on the doctor Ed Osbournes, the Chiropractic philanthropist show not too long ago you know, a doctor's perspective. Net / d, r e d to hear that. We talked about China and the one-sheets, and he asks, five questions. And so I just give you my answers to them. Like, if I could go back home, I tell my past self positive affirmations. Those types of things. Also, to learn more about the one-sheets and CV revisions that I can do, you can check out a doctor's perspective. Nash, modern Cairo. That's with dr. Kevin, Christy with the Kaepernick marketing show and we go deep into it, a great guys, got a great marketing books overly happy to be on that show. That's enough about birth. At all the show notes and the transcript usually within 24 hours of release is a doctor's perspective. Net / 176, let's go hashtag behind the curtain off live from Cologne, Germany in Los Angeles, California. Today on the show we have a person who dealt with emotional eating a losing weight and keeping it off wrote a book about it in about 2017 as a decent amount of reviews. I would think it's called Hill your hunger, she's got a podcast, I thought I did okay with my podcast she's got well over three hundred episodes my goodness that's a ton and we're just going to talk all things about emotional eating and all that entails because it's just a heavy topic for so many people men and women for that matter, so please welcome Tricia Nelson to the program. Thanks for having me, great to be here. Justin, I'm excited, you know, this is a topic that so many people who just be like, well let's let's talk about weight loss and all this kind of stuff and Ed. They don't really get to the root of like why you're eating so much to begin with and I mean I know I can suffer from boredom eating or just Mindless eating while I'm doing something and that's always a bad situation. I think that's different than being trapped with your emotions and not even realizing it would say you. Yeah, well that was the case for me. I mean I was fifty pounds, overweight on account of my mindless eating out. Definitely it was fuelled by emotions as well. So I work with people who struggle with food and weight like I did and I am telling you I struggled for years and you know, the the way you do when you first, you know, them are overweight and you want to get it off as you do a diet. Like let's go on a diet and you do the diet and you might be successful for a couple of weeks, but if you are an emotional eater that's going to lose its own power, and before, you know it, you're going to be back to eating again. And so that's why we have people who are yo, yo Dyers, which was me, I mean, I'd go up 30 down, 10 up twenty, you know, down twenty years. Up fifty and I hear I hear it all the time. You know, people, especially when there's some big emotional thing in their life you know. Like people are saying all the time like oh I was doing good until the pandemic happened, you know? And then I just lost it. I just lost it and that's so many people. They just go off the rails with eating, and if it is emotional, it's emotionally fueled. And it wasn't until I am an emotional eater that I, you know, started to really deal with those underlying causes because before that it was just endless diet and endless exercise programs pills potions lotions. Twelve-step programs, even went to an eating disorder therapist. So those things didn't work for me because they were still focused on the food and the wait and I really need to go deeper to the underlying causes. Like you said, why am I eating in the first place? Why am I you know constantly snacking or constantly checking the refrigerator you know to see what else might have appeared there? Yeah. And that that it did have emotional underpinning.
00:05:02 – 00:10:01
So, when I learned how to face those emotions and deal with life on life's terms, instead of using, you know, turning to food, every time I was stressed out, that's really when I was able to heal. And so my program in the work I do is based on my own healing Journey, you know, and I've been researching this and on my healing path for thirty-plus years now. So that's really what I teach feel people's what I did and still do to this day healed, you know, because I'm not cured. So data time processed boy, it's great to live in Freedom and no longer be obsessed with food. Do you think there? There's a couple of things came in mind, but yeah. One more time, I like emotional eating versus a board. A meeting, is it easy to identify? Which one you are? Yeah. So boredom eating going to break it to you here but it's not, it's not just boredom eating in my experience morning meeting is Habitual eating. Like, we're just used to snacking or used to like like having space in the mean, like, how can I fill the same thing? And part of that is just, you know, our culture of busyness and culture of distraction, you know, with social media, with so many things pulling at our attention, it's definitely a half. I got off the couch. I went to the bathroom. I might as well. Check the kitchen. Yeah. How many times you've ever go pee? You always go into the kitchen and grabbed something for sure. And for other people, you know, it's not just for the meeting and I will, they'll think it is. But if somebody is emotional eater, when we don't have anything going on, when we have space, you know, and and we're we have a break from the busyness. That's when we have feeling, okay? That's when emotional emotions start to Bubble to the surface, even though we feel like we're bored, it's more, you know, that we're just we're uncomfortable with that space. Kind of wanna fill it because if we don't, we're going to be aware of things. We normally aren't aware of when we're in busy mode. And so there are buried emotions that were just out of touch with things that happen in the day that, you know, didn't suck. Right with us but we're moving too fast to stop and pay attention or fight with a spouse in the morning that just sort of you, just you blow it off cuz you got patients to see but all of a sudden like, you know, took those spaces, that's when you start to remember. Oh there were some things that happened today that were kind of uncomfortable or there's something happening tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to, you know, I gotta finish up my taxes. Just let me just fill that space. I don't feel that uncomfortable reality so there's a lot more to it like I when I first heard of the terms emotion of the the words, the emotional eating I thought, well, that's just stupid. I like food. Like that's all there is to it, you know, cuz I do. I'm a foodie, I love food but the thing is that wasn't all there was to it. I mean the fact is I was an emotional eater, I just bought one in touch with it because when you are eating a lot in your, a snacker, your kind of numb. So you don't realize how much of your eating is emotional because you don't feel any emotion, you know, you don't feel anything else. Your numbed out came to my attention, like this idea can of my Consciousness about emotional eating. I started observe my eating and like, you know, it's not normal. Like, the way I eat is not exactly normal. Like, I'll get, you know, lunch with friends and they'll order a sandwich and we'll come with fries and they'll eat their sandwich and pick up their fries. But I'll always eat my fries, and pick up my sandwich, you off back in the day. So, so I was drawn to heavier Star Cheer, greasier, sugary foods, and that was, for emotional reasons, as well, because they've experienced the reason why we love Louis. Gooey chewy Foods is because they're heavy, you know, they're heavy and they put a blanket over our emotions, you know, and so, we don't snack typically on lettuce because that's not going to do the job. We need the heavier stuff cuz it'll it'll numb the feelings. And so, that's really what I started getting hip to is like, wow, I I want to be numb. Like I am. I feel anything negative sure. Give me the happy happy high notes but don't give me any of the low notes, you know. I just want to be up all the time and food and being checked out enabled me to do that, there's two things here than how are you able to you know sit in the silence is where you're going to feel that that pain if you will. Yeah there are ways to kind of handle the situation and process. It preferably, you know, you can do with the counselor but ways that you can do that your house so that you're aware of it and you can say, okay, this is bothering me. Let me stop what I'm doing and Thursday, we can do to stop and do anything. They don't read books know. A lot of people don't read books, they just want to watch TV and they don't want to process these emotions. So, is there a easier way? Or a nice dip, your toe in the sand in this process, that's what I do. And what I teach my clients is to start the day with a centering routine, because when we're, you know, a lot of our eating is stress-eating and so yep. Have to do something about the stress.
00:10:01 – 00:15:05
Starting the day with a centering routine, meditation, prayer, reading, spiritual literature, you know, listening to meditative music going for a walk praying. As I said, these things can just help us feel centered and grounded and we have to have that because this is a busy time day and age. It is busy and there's so many things really demanding, our attention. And so we have to start with, getting tuned in to ourselves first. Like we have to get grounded and you off to often. It's tempting to just look your phone. Like your email jump out of bed, go exercise, but I find that if I start first with a meditation, practice and a prayer practice journal is another good thing. This can help me sort of start my day when I call it, putting money in your spiritual bank account, just to get grounded, and get connected with who you are. Instead of all the people who demand things off, View and all the, you know, all the different roles you play in life. And when you do that, that's your being fed. Spiritually. Like, you're getting nourished during the day, you know, first thing in the morning, and you can draw on that, you know, deposits you made in your spiritual bank account later in the day. Cuz, you know, people who are emotionally interests, tend to have the hardest time in the afternoon evening because of stress is built up. You know, we've had many appointments throughout the day and we've had a lot of people asking things of us and stresses they are things. Have happened in conversations, have happened, you know, and we're stressed. And so that's when we sort of break down and start snacking from that quick energy, but that's when we need to draw on what we've deposited earlier on in the day. And if we haven't made those deposits, we're on empty. You know, there's nothing a bank account you start using chocolate and coffee and wine to as a pick-me-up as to, you know, help us get through the day and obviously pots another one so it's just not dead. And it's it's not the best way to get that quick energy and we have to draw on, you know, our own ways of nourishment that are healthy instead of unhealthy. So to answer your question, definitely starting the day with, you know, some really nourishing self-care tools. Having those tools that they're ready later on in the day, you know, actually do a second meditation in the afternoon and people are always like, I don't have time to meditate. Well, it's like you know, the truth is, we do we all have time? Like we all have 24 hours like everybody has 24 hours. Truth is a break for twenty minutes at a time out from home. Seeing clients or patients, you know, just 20 minutes is a small investment for total quick. You know, hit of positive, healthy energy, you know where you can get through the day for the rest of the day and honestly, you'll eat less. Like, I find my dinners will be two hundred calories, less or fewer. You know, if I've spent that time just investing in that but, you know, beyond that mean there's a pig. Can give you some relaxation, even taking a ten minute walk around the block. You know, when you're stressed out or just need a change in your state, these are things that you can do, you know, of course, the people who are really on the far end of the spectrum of emotional eating or the food addiction realm, they really need Community. Like, they can't just pull out their bag of tricks, you know, that's not going to work for them. They have to have Community wage and be so filled in that way. So that's going to be super helpful as well but I will tell you offer you something, which I call the pep test, which can be a way to start at least. Tuning a pep test is a way for people to start understanding. What not you know we all know what foods doing to us but what it does for us so we can start asking the question. Like is this food? I'm about to reach for lunch serving one of these functions and pep is an acronym and it stands for painkiller. So we use food to kill pain, emotional pain, you know, and that could be anything any kind of strange. Any kind of relationship issue, any kind of business issue, whatever. Like we can use food as a painkiller for that, we can reach for food as a form of Escape. So, that's the set that he and pack is escape where we just don't want to deal. Like, we've been dealing all day long and we just get out our goodies and night and our TV, and we just check out. So it's like, just leave me alone. Like, I don't want to deal any more thoughts, a big driver. And the last one is punishment and emotional, eaters are emotional and we over, I always say over eaters are over feelers. We feel a lot and we beat ourselves. A lot were super hard on ourselves. Super critical of ourselves and food can be a way to just beat ourselves up. And of course, then we did ourselves up for eating so it's a vicious cycle. Yeah, that's part of our cycle right there. Yeah. For sure. Over over lunch and then you start over eating more. Yeah it's just it goes on and on. So peep is a pain. Killer p as escape and P as a form of punishment that's the pig. Test. So I say to people take the pep test when you're going on refrigerator opening it up for the umpteenth time.
00:15:05 – 00:20:05
Ask yourself like what's what's not paying? Am I trying to escape from what kind of fears or worries, do or, what kind of pan am I trying to kill? What kind of fears or worries? Am I trying to escape from and what kind of guilt or uncomfortable? You know, relationship issues and might just wanting to punish myself about? Cuz I just think I'm unworthy and pieces. So yeah, you know, and it's, you know, those might be deeper things that people aren't in touch with what are you if you at least start at like pausing, instead of eating and asking a question like what's really going on? That's a good place to start. I like your idea because if you focus in the morning you may know what's going to happen that day. I gotta have that meeting with that guy. I don't like I know it's going to be a problem or some interaction or some phone call or this so you can kind of appreciate all your day and know that. Okay? Before I do this meeting and probably going to need to take at least a minute to just collect my thoughts and get clear so dead. Yeah, the pep test at school have you noticed there are certain emotions, you kind of said some just now but any emotion that tend to lend itself to wanting to overeat and emotionally eating like just basic stuff or it could be, you were traumatized as a kid somehow or go that deep or know. Well, here's the thing, most people who struggle chronically with food and weight are emotional eaters, okay, so I mean, I I think we're all emotional eaters, you know? I think that we're hardwired to have an emotional connection with food. That's why breastfeeding is such a beautiful bonding experience for mother and child but some people just take it too far. So I was one of those people who just took it too far as fifty pounds overweight. I was a binge eater, you know. I would eat and then I'd start losing. I'd lose control. So what does that mean for somebody? You like three scoops of ice cream and you go back and get to Oreos and then I have some Little Debbie snacks in there and then yeah, yeah. Just carrots. Always a carrot. Oh but wait, I got peanut butter, salt. Peanut butter care you like do? What did I just do all night long? Yeah, that's nice. Just called it. I mean in mine mine were a little more extreme than that. It wouldn't be two or three Oreos be like, two rows completely, but, you know, be the whole pint of ice creams. Yeah. For sure. It's, it's just, you start with a few bites or One Bowl, you know, in bowl of cereal and just keep going back mindlessly. And it's before, you know, it, you're stuck like, you just feel sick and you're like, oh my God, what did I do? Like what, like, how did that happen? And why did I do it again? So it's like a lot of that self-condemnation like I can't believe I just lost control again and it is, you know, not everybody goes that far. But you know, we all know what it's like to lose control, you know, and eat more than we planned. So it's just a matter of how often somebody does that. How much how easy for them to course-correct and be like, okay enough already gained five pounds, I'm going to take it off, you know, I'm going to, you know, exercise more this week. I'm going to cut out sweets and boom. Those five pound dog. Off. You know you've got that person. Who can course, correct? So they're on the lower end of the spectrum, but those who can't course-correct, where once they open Pandora's Box, they can't shut it. You know, where it just goes on and on and it's a month it almost sounds feels like religious guilt. I'm not supposed to do this. I did it. I feel guilty. Well I already did it. I might as well just keep doing it. Yes. And then what's the point of already, you know, again this much weight, you know, just you hide out, you don't people to see you and then in because nobody comes to you cuz you're doing all your business on Zoom or whatever, you just you do more of it. So it is a vicious cycle. Thoughts on the higher end of it, though. The more, that's where you're more in food, addiction, realm, is that when you can't course correct, and I'll see it. A lot of consequences. Like, from your weight struggles? You have back pain. You have an autoimmune issues. You've got issues, you know, obviously, it's my wife drops. Yeah, totally. You don't want to be, you know, me, having sex. You don't want to be touched, you know what to be seeing, you know, naked of the dark or in the life. So yeah, there's a ton of consequences that you don't normally think of, but it goes far, like the this condition, you know, not to mention the depression and the self-hatred found that low self-esteem. I mean it's a wide variety of negative consequences and that's really when somebody's more than the addiction realm, and it does it kills relationships. No question about it. It just willpower do. I just need to be tougher? Stronger better. And every time you mess up your just weak and worthless. Well, that doesn't work. That will power thing doesn't work so well, like so no. All for you. Thanks it. Totally, you know, when it is an addiction, I mean to get alcohol. I mean, alcoholics can't control it. They can't. Once they take a drink, it's like all bets are off an issue for me. Once I eat sugar all bets are off. No, I didn't have will power from the beginning. I didn't have a little power and that's why the spiritual element is so helpful, similar to twelve-step programs. It's like, I better job Of some kind of way of nourishing myself, spiritually, you know, and something that gives me power because I don't have it.
00:20:05 – 00:25:05
Like, I don't, I can't just stop. I can't just do it. Like, people want us to do it, you know, so many people will look at that people with a lot of derision in a lot of, like, what's wrong with them. They are lazy. You know, well, to get up together, you know, don't they know we have an obesity epidemic going on their bad role model for their kids. What's, you know, what's the story? But these people can't help it, like they can't make themselves do better. And that's why that Community. Element is so important. I mean, I happen in my program off, a community, be emotional eaters and we connect on zoom in groups you know for group coaching and the people are so happy and relieved that other people have the same problem and they can connect with them cuz they feel so crazy like that they do feel lazy. They feel like they you know there's already tell themselves all those negative things like I'm lazy. What's wrong with me? I can't get it, you know, but when they're with other people who can log And either they start to realize, okay, this is a thing, like, it's a real thing. It doesn't have to be these crazy fat people, not at all fifty and you're five foot, we're not talking, those massive people, it could just be someone who always has twenty five pounds heavier and then you know what the deal I have a lot of most of my clients aren't obese, you know like they are they're struggling like you said with those twenty to Thirty pounds but that makes a big difference and how you feel yourself, they intended Corona. Yeah. The chocolate eating bread, not caring, you know, just not even not been everybody. You know what? An excuse, the gyms are closed. I can't exercise. Well, we both know, there's plenty of YouTube videos, and you can do a hundred push-ups, put the motivation. It was so hard to be. Like, let me get on my floor and do this. I couldn't do it. I used to go to a class, you know, a bar class and, and offered it on Instagram and I tried and I'd quit after ten minutes. I'd just be like, I don't feel like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know thankfully I wasn't overeating so I didn't it didn't change my way home. But those who were overeating and didn't have the exercise to offset it, that's why I exercise is not a good weight loss plan because the minute you overeat, I mean, I could never exercise enough to offset off how much I ate. You can't even offset a Coke half the time. Yeah, exactly. So true. All right let's see. Nobody overeats on salads and and pinto beans and hummus place I would say is there a less caloric food? You know if you're going through the struggle and you just like, all right, I know I'm not there mentally but maybe I can just give myself less caloric food that still tastes great and gets me, that that feeling, but I don't have to feel quite as guilty. Yeah, I mean, there are, I mean, in terms of sodas, you can make your own soda with stevia and seltzer water. You know, you can make snacks at a seaweed that's why popcorn so big for emotional eaters. Cuz you get a lot of bang for your buck. Know, you can get a lot of weight eating the carbs and fat, but people will try that birth. To find different hacks. But my experience is, if you're an emotional eater and you struggle with your weight, those hacks aren't getting to the underlying causes packs. Don't hack it. Yeah, they don't attack it first off, you know, you can chew gum all day, but if that's a joke, huh? To kill my jaw eating, so much gum. But it's the truth is, you gotta go deeper. You gotta deal with the stress, you gotta have self care in your life. You can't go go all the time without having it show up in your waistline. Do you find that? They should definitely see a counselor to unpack. Maybe some of these thoughts emotions? Like, I don't know, maybe their dad, or mom never said they loved them or maybe had an abusive relationship or you know, they hear somebody talking about them from them when they were a kid. Yep. And there's definitely trauma them. But my experience has therapy, isn't always the best solution because then you're just sitting and talking and thinking and talking, whereas if you want results, you gotta do, you know, so it's really cool. Important either has to be a very specific action plan for overcoming emotional. Eating so therapy. You could talk about stuff and, you know, it's not like you can't get benefit from that, but if you want them are coming emotional eating. If you want to lose weight you're going to have to. You have a, you need to have a plan that addresses the eating issue and specifically why you're eating, it's not just because of one specific thing. It happened as a kid. I, you know, a lot of people say, oh, I know I eat, cuz my mom was an alcoholic. My dad was not, my dad was a rager or whatever. That's not yet. Like it's not, it's never one thing. Cuz what happens is kids when we have trauma, and I thought sexual abuse in my past, which is very common for emotional eaters, but I abuse of any kind, but, you know, you have that one trauma. But then you develop coping tools to deal with that package. Which food is one, but there are others. So you have to deal with the trauma as a kid with very few resources available to you to develop these personality traits and then you bring the and they save your life, okay? But then you bring them into adulthood and you have this dysfunctional way of relating to the world, and that's not just one way.
00:25:05 – 00:30:03
That's, it's a whole panoply of ways personality traits. And I, I go into this in my book and in Life program, is that I called the anatomy of the emotional eater. And that's like, 24 personality traits that are very common to the emotional eater. And these traits come from that trauma, but it's not just one it's many. And so, again, you can't just say, okay, I'm going to deal with that event as a kid or that person in my life. That was traumatizing me because you've already booked already morphed into all these ways of coping that you bring with you into adulthood, and those have to be unraveled cuz that's happening real time. Like real-time, we're creating the compulsion to Thursday, we're creating the stress that causes us to stress eat. So you can talk about your past all day long, but you gotta deal with your present and what you're doing today that's causing your Cravings, you know, an age. To unpack that cuz that's going to give you the most immediate results. So you don't you don't need 20 years of therapy to do that and and I lay out these personality traits for people so they can identify it right away and just I take it out of the abstract, you know, the number one, trait of an emotional eater is people pleasing, you know, and people pleasing goes back to our childhood when we had trauma, when we had a raging pervert, you know, you'd better be a good people pleaser because you gotta, you know, Escape The Rage, you know, you gotta placate the parent who's causing all kinds of trouble or is about to get you. So you become really good at adapting. Really good at caretaking, really good at people-pleasing, but then you bring, you know, and it saves you. It saves you. You know, you don't get beat on maybe as much money at all. And then, but then you bring that people pleasing trait into your adult life. And you're always signing up to do the extra project at work. Or you're, you know, you're afraid of your patience, you know? Cuz they're, they're angry wage. You know and you don't stand up for yourself or you give too much or you don't have, you don't raise your rates, you know I mean there's so many different ways that people pleasing shows up, you know you're always the one to drive all the kids to soccer or all the baking or bottom line is we when we run ourselves ragged trying to please everybody cuz we have this habit of people-pleasing and trying to get validation from outside of ourselves. We exhaust our drug finals. You know, we're stressed out or tapped out, but not only that, but people aren't as pleased as we plan on them being. So then we're resentful as well. You're burned out. Yeah, you're burned out and you're pissed off and you go home and you have the, I deserve it bends like screw them. They're not going to appreciate me. At least I'll, you know, I'll reward myself. You know, that's an example of how it's got nothing to do with the trauma from the past. It's got nothing to do. I mean, not nothing to do, but it's, it's, you know, very many times fired from that, yes, many layers and it's really got nothing to do with food. It's just our way our marriage. Up in way life that creates the stress. We end up stress-eating over. I think that's great. So you really covered just about everything you need in your book to. It depends on the person I have some people read my book and it just like unlocks like everything for them and they're good and I get I get emails like oh you know, lost fifty pounds but but most people can't just do it from a book. So my book definitely makes like it'll make so much sense of this whole thing cuz if it's a whole different perspective and then the diet and exercise approach, but at the same time, community and being with other emotional eaters is so vital to your healing Journey just like alcoholics, need Alcoholics Anonymous my my experiences emotional eaters need other emotional eaters. And so, that's why I do. Most of my programs in the group setting on Zoom, because they it feeds our soul at a deeper level, and it's never filled that we're really hungry for. You know, my business is called heal your hunger, because it's the pig. For Hunger that needs to be filled. And when we're in community with other people who know what it's like to be powerless over a donut, it really soothes us. It really helps us feel like, oh, I've got my people like I'm with my tribe, you know, and it and there's a there's a healing in that identification and in that Mutual support. So it's hard to do it just from a book for sure. Although that will, it's a great place to start with ten bucks. Who can be great? Places are expensive. Yeah, and if you're, you know, a practitioner and you have patience, you struggle with food and weight, you know, you might not understand them and you might be thinking and you might even say things to them that are going to mess them up even more cuz when you tell them to just moderate, you know, or just eat these sweets in moderation that doesn't work. You know, you might be saying things that, you know, are just try intuitive eating. These are nebulous terms. You know, they don't, you know, are mindful eating their good ideas. But if somebody is an emotional eater, they can't do that like home. Trouble actually following through that kind of advice because they're too far gone.
00:30:03 – 00:35:01
Definitely don't be a part of the problem by suggesting things that are going to just make your clients feel alienated and worse about themselves. I think it's nice because you can get the book, read the book. If you like what? What you're talking about and you're like, I resonate, I'm not a counselor. I'm not trying to dive deep into this, but if you find that, it's a good book for other people, more than likely can go to heal your home and reach out to you and probably even be like, I want fifty bucks to get a better deal and then you can give those out to patients or resell them for like half the price or whatever. Just so these people have something to go home with and be able to do something with it and address it on their terms. Yeah. And we'll make them feel so much more understood you know rather than giving them another diet, they they're not stupid like anybody struggled. They know what to eat dog. You know they know that salads are better than pizza. You know and roasted vegetables are better than hamburgers so so they're not stupid, they're not lacking and diets, you know, dieting. If they're, they're really lacking the ability to follow through and that Gap is where the emotional eating lives. And so, you'll actually be helping them feel like you get them when you give them something that takes some deep thoughts. So many of them are like you know, that they're not. They're they're afraid to even hope that they can change cuz they've tried and failed so many diets. Like there's a really the sense of defeat stuff's real sense of defeat wage and when you can just really help them you know, show them that. Hey it doesn't. You don't have to have Diet. Like there's actually a whole different approach which is dealing with why you're compelled to eat in the first place. That's going to change. Give them hope because they're going to be like oh my gosh, there is something different that I haven't tried yet, you know, one day I think when I go back to America my wife and I I think we probably have some class. Like I wrote a book in part of the book is about. We were talking about a little bit but I like we don't like vegetables cuz they never had good vegetables. Yeah. Oh let's see some steamed broccoli. Are you carry steamed? Broccoli is gross. You birth. They have to put some and not cheese, okay, you put cheese on your broccoli, you ruined your roughly cuz now it's not a healthy. I was in China for a while for a long time actually. So I learned how to cook that way. My wife knows how to cook that way once they taste good. My name is eight point is quite delicious in some ways, but I mean, we can maybe have like a cooking class or something and invite the patience or charge a small fee, great idea to have them come out and do an experience and then you have a Facebook group or something because like you said, the tribe is where it's at right now in twenty one is just how you I think sell stuff these days as well as a doctor podcast. We talk about this all the time marketing and things. So, let's switch gears a little bit more, respect your time but something we always ask is how do you keep the love alive in a marriage in a committed relationship so that we're not just divorce and especially if you do have like an emotional eating that can have a total, not only in yourself, but on your spouse. Yeah. And I teach this a lot, and I will say, I actually did get divorced and I'm in a new relationship after divorcing, so not home. I can teach a whole lot about. How is this a rebound? Yes, I've had a few relationships after my divorce but but I have somebody who knows how to cook. Really good vegetables. Wage that helps a lot but actually, I mean, really all kidding aside. I, you know, have so many clients, most of my clients are women. And I have to say that, you know, I remind them that living with an emotional eater is not easy because when somebody's troubles with food and weight, first of all, it's an hunt. It's a twenty-four-seven Obsession, it's an obsession like we thought leaders are obsessed with our wait, like we're obsessed with our wait, we never feel good enough, you know, we have self-esteem issues, we don't feel worthy of love. So if you're a doting spouse of an emotional eater, chances are that person has had trauma and they can't accept much love, you know? Or they doubt your love or they create roadblocks to love. I mean, I can trust me. We could do a whole show on that job. That's an issue for sure to live with somebody like us, who's hiding food sneaking food? Feeling guilty about eating. Always on a diet, always going off a diet. You know, always an image size pants as five different sizes of jeans and their closet because they never know what size are going to be, doesn't want to attack, doesn't want to go to party party. Doesn't interact with others, the Press from it first. Yeah, sex life is shut down all kinds of things true. It's, it's really a rocket because they don't, you know, most people, I mean many emotions have had sexual abuse and so they're kind of messed up life around sex, don't feel like it's okay to have sex or have fun and sex or and then when you're binging the last thing you want to do is be touched you know or love Don. You just want to shut the whole thing down. So, yeah, it's it's really a lot to deal with and and it is it's like being it's like living with an alcoholic. I mean, there's a lot of chaos able to take that approach. What you call it when you can see yourself in a situation.
00:35:01 – 00:40:04
And then you can put yourself in the other person's situation you're like for their husband or whatever. This would be difficult. What can I do? Are they, they're just like they're so self-absorbed in their own situation that they can. There's a lot of self-obsession, you know, when you're obsessed and you're in a hole and you can't get out. A lot of self-obsession, it's not that I mostly to most leaders are the most giving people in that world to their great caretakers, you know? But this is an all-consuming problem that no question affects relationships and they, you know, and they can be supervised. I know I could be super busy, you know, when I was in the food and hating myself, everybody else got the brunt of it. So they they when I was in a miserable mood cuz I just, you know, a tap I you know, the page isn't very nice to be around. I was grumpy and so many of my clients have amazing husbands that are incredibly patient and loving, but it's not easy, it's not easy. So we all dead In all different sizes shapes and sizes. So I don't mean to overgeneralize either, but it's, you know, people don't realize it's not just about, you know, losing twenty pounds. Like there's a whole mental way of being a whole emotional way of being that really affects people's lives and their relationships as well. So, I mean, my clients, I just had a retreat for my clients and one of the things we did it was kind of work on the relationship stuff and, and the women end up writing letters to their husband letters of appreciation to their husbands. Cuz I'm like, look, guys need some more. They need some love wage. Like it's all about you all the time. Anyway, there's, there's a lot to it for sure. I like that though, but you know, it's I think people forget about that part of it and they don't want to talk about it that hey, these things are real things, do matter if you're trying to keep a relationship, you know, going and everything. So that's good. Do you happen to have any resources? I mean, you give them plenty, any official books that you kind of recommend dead. I keep like a nice Amazon list of all kinds of different topics but I think I can think of several in my own in that list of like Harvey Hendrix to deal with the love. Like if you don't accept your love or if you do, how do you accept love from somebody else? And how you can self-sabotage, even receiving that and then clearing up your heart so that you can anything like that for well, I'll recommend I mean, certainly along the same lines. Yeah. Well, you know, my ex-husband book I think is really helpful. I recommend my book was around honest, understand emotional eating my ex-husband's book. He was the one who helped me originally met and I really recommend his book, two people. It's called love notes from hell, but all addictions overcoming, all addictions, and it's his personal story. He had been morbidly obese but also alcoholic and sex is connected and all that. So he's got a lot of experience to share in his book called Love Notes From Hell. Roy Nelson is his name. Gosh, I think spiritual books are amazing, dog. About boundaries are good as well. Cuz that's a really tough thing for most leaders. And I think for people, in general, just knowing, you know, where you stop people don't even know what those are. Like, if you, if you ask somebody, hey you ever thought of boundaries? Yeah. What the boundary maybe you should like you should like at least get the summary from some Wares on Google cuz that's a worth a six families book by cloud and Townsend called Boundaries and that's a really good book. So it's got a Christian vent to it. I bought it for my knees. I put on six random books for their birthday. Do they must love you was the boundaries but all these rainbows for how long you want to make cool, Uncle, you might have to go beyond books on my brother's like, hey, what are you going to read him? You think he's like, oh no, they're going to read him. It's called Summer Reading. I was like, oh perfect. Yeah! Well, he, he played with you. That's great one day. They appreciate these things when they're not like pregnant at sixteen twenty years. I'm thinking long-term what is your website again? He'll your hunger. And there's a quiz on their P. Know if they're emotional eater, there's a quiz either, somebody can take it themselves or send a patient's to it, and it'll help them decide if their emotional eater or a food addict or somewhere in between and not a personally, a score. And then they get, you know, prompts on what to do based on their score. If you like what we heard today and you want to get her book, you can also check it out on our podcast. I mean, seriously, there's over 3000 episodes. So, I'm pretty sure solos. I've seen interviews. So, she's and that's a long time. I don't have money. You put out a year, but that's like four or five years worth of podcast. Yeah, wage it's four years. It's been I've had it for a little over four years. So congratulations on that bit mad props because that is intense to keep doing these over and over again, you know, in the beginning, you don't get much recognition, you're not getting download. You're like why am I doing this? Yeah yeah but then it finally shows up so I really appreciate you being on the show and and sharing this knowledge.
00:40:04 – 00:43:11
I think it's going to whet people's tooth to want to expose more about you about this topic, because it affects so many people and it probably don't talk about it much because it's kind of an embarrassing thing. And but it needs to be talked about more and brought out there, so I really appreciate your time off. Another great interview has ended while you're on your phone, click that review button, right up a nice review for me. Five stars. If you could change as everyone says an industry, it'll help other people to find us when we have enough rankings, not to mention, I'll mention you and your review on an upcoming episode. If you follow me at all on Instagram, you know, you only get one link. So I use a link tree and so it's a doctor's perspective. Net links with an S and that's going to give you everything you need to know the top episodes of 2017 and Ed 18th Podiatry series, Dennis acupuncture, series holiday, 2017 Financial series, how to write a review, how to support the show, like, buying a cup of coffee getting swag, wage like t-shirts. The today's choice is tomorrow's health book, that's the blueprints for Better Health, exercise, picket food, correctly, and financial. And then, of course, bundle packs, which can get you the song acupuncture book, 40, and conditions, including the electric acupuncture, pin had a great deal. The resources page has some of the products that I like it's a affiliate style, so long if you buy something from them, I get a piece of that just like on the show notes Pages. If you buy a book from clicking that link, I get a small piece of that as well, so I really appreciate that things like Screencast-O-Matic purevpn, missing a letter, J Lab, speakers provolone, Edge or hot grips. Once again, if you do need, any coaching on how to improve some, your blood work, drop weight and a prologue. Diet fast, mimicking diet, 5-day plan. Let me know as well as if you just need some coaching, whether it's Health, whether it's marketing, whether you need some practice growth Etc, reach out in a book. Justin trosclair MCC of course at a doctor's perspective. Net on the top right you got all the social media icons that you can. Imagine click your favorite and reach out. Thank you so much for tuning in please girl friend, pass it along, you can go to. Net. It's just that easy, it'll open up right in your app and don't forget, I appreciate you. Listen, critically think and integrate see you on the mini. So off on Thursdays and Saturdays, hope you're enjoying those. I'm definitely having fun summarizing these podcasts and less than 10 minutes for you. You get the Nuggets without having to waste your time have a great week off. Yep. Well, Sean Smith. Net