Exploring ways that the doctor – patient relationship with LGBTQ population can be more comfortable…
Empowerment confronting your issues, and how to protect and heal relationships. Questions to pick a counselor, avoiding burnout, are you Crazy?, Passionate career women overcomes obstacles and loves treating anxiety, depression and family issues.
Take a trip in circumstances that one person would see as adversity and Dr Holder turned into an extreme passion. Wait listed for law school- no problem, master in psychology was her true calling. Getting bored at work – she pursed an MBA with a Health Administration concentration but quickly released that accounting and the advanced statistics was just not going to work for her. Solution, the Phd program, but she didn’t want to be a teacher and what she discovered was the endless possibility of clients that she could see with this advanced degree.
She found a passion inside herself that was actually always there since high school and now she can use that as fuel to empower others. Dr Holder is in love with her counseling career choice.
Dr. Dinelly Holder holds a Ph.D. in Human Services and Counseling Studies and a Masters’ Degree in Education and Rehabilitation Counseling. She is a licensed psychotherapist and is Board Certified National Counselor and Clinical Mental Health Counselor and utilizes various therapeutic orientations to assist individuals in developing coping skills to overcome problem life areas.
When you see a current problem, she sees a future solution. She doesn’t want you to have to see a counselor for a long time for the same issue. Her goal is to EMPOWER you to help yourself, help your relationships, family and community.
Can counselors have their own quota and agendas that make it difficult for the client to reach their goals?
If changing counselors or starting for the first time, what are some questions to ask to gauge if the fit between the two of you will match?
Empowerment is her passion. She gives a great example about a suicidal or heavily depressed person and the outcome after a session.
Are you “Crazy” if you see a therapist? Are we built for Love and Relationships? Did we deserve to be hurt by others? Am I enough? Does he love Me?
Can depression and anxiety be linked to suppressed mental health troubles?
Dr. Holder is your partner, a detective… point you in the right direction and let you reveal your inner- self to yourself in a safe environment.
She talks a little about ageism, sexism and racism and how she personally confronts it and thrives.
What are the reasons people get burned out at work and ways to combat those feelings. What are the classifications of burn out?
How does Dr Holder (and us for that matter) able to deal with those clients that…we’d maybe rather not have?
She gives lots of speeches and talks at conferences internationally.
Dr. Holder is excellent at anxiety patients and would love to niche in celebrity counseling because they have such a huge platform to spread Love and Empowerment. If she had to pick one area that she excels at… relationship counseling.
Will marriage and a kid bring you together and make your issues resolve?
A very neat trend she is seeing: men are starting to see counselors about relationship without the stigma of ‘I’m crazy’ or ‘that’s not manly’.
Near the end you will be impressed by her hobbies.
When she gives talks to students that ‘Look Like Her’, she can see in their eyes that “Hey, she looks like me and has become a Doctor… maybe I can do that too”.
Yet again we hear, successful relationships are built on continual dating your spouse but she adds a Very Important Side Note (or 2) that you have to hear. HINT: airline oxygen masks
Do you think family, single friends, other couples or a counselor is the best place to ask or complain about your spouse? Who protects the relationship and who doesn’t?
We chat about fasting as well near the end.
Show notes can be found at www.adoctorsperspective.net/46 here you can also find tweetable quotes, links to things mentioned, the Travel Tip and a complete transcript.
This episode is a part of the African American Doctor Spotlight Series. Put your email for a Quick Reference PDF to save for future viewing.
Justin Trosclair 0:02
Episode 46 impairment and passion working with any other way. I’m your host, Dr. Justin trust player and today with your doctor Emily holder PGD perspective.
Join 2017 podcast Awards Nominated host Dr. Justin Foursquare, as he gets a rare to see him look into the specialties, all types of doctors and guess plus marketing, travel tips, struggles, goals and relationship advice. Let’s hear a doctor’s perspective.
I couldn’t be more thrilled. It might be a mini series, or might be a nice long series. It just depends on how many guests I can get lined up in a row. Right now we got psychologist and medical doctors and more. We’re doing a spotlight on African American doctors, men and women. So stay tuned for the next couple of weeks, you’re going to find out all about what they do, what their specialty is maybe some unique struggles so unique cultural experiences on top of some amazing knowledge that we can listen, learn and implement to make our practices our life better. The African American doctor holiday season series on a doctor’s perspective. Let’s do this.
Welcome back. week three of our African American doctor series. We have a PhD today Dr. Holder she is a great interviewer because she has so much passion in her voice about what she does and you can really feel it love it. We will go into things like depression and anxiety. Are you crazy. If you see a therapist we touch of course on her unique gifts and abilities a little bit of a little bit of ageism, sexism and racism. But mostly we focus on empowering yourself empowering your relationships and what to look for. If you do feel like you’re gonna be burned out in your professional show notes can be found at a doctor’s perspective, net slash four six travel tip at the end of the show. So hashtag behind the curtain.
Live from China. Welcome to the show. We have a PhD in human services and counseling a master’s degree in education and rehabilitation counseling. She’s a licensed psychotherapist, board certified national counselor and clinical mental health counselor. She utilizes various therapeutic orientations to assist individuals in developing coping skills to overcome problem life areas. Welcome to the show, Dr. Donnelly holder.
Hi, thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Justin Trosclair 2:22
Absolutely. So glad to see you. So glad to hear your voice. And I’m ready to jump right in. How about you?
Yes, yes. Yes, sir. Yes, that?
Justin Trosclair 2:30
Right. So there’s a lot of things you can do in life? How did you pick psychotherapy and going all the way to the PhD level for that matter?
Well, it shows me I was going to be a lawyer. I was the nerd that looked at Matt, look at nine years old. I was going to be a lawyer. Maybe as I got older, maybe a judge, but I was nothing in counseling at all. What got me into counseling was I I got wait listed for law school. And then my bachelor’s degree school sent me a letter stating that they’re having these new counseling programs master’s program in counseling if you’re interested, you know, to get first dibs of the graduates. And so I’m like, well, as I’m whitelisted, for the law school thing, let me check out this counseling. Why not? Because I like I don’t like, I don’t like what’s the word I’m looking for? I don’t like this waiting around. You know, I feel like there’s purpose and everything. So I said to myself, alright, well, let me try this. And even if I do get into law school, I can always want to graduate the master’s program, I can always go back. Because when you get accepted to any school of any kind, you always have that. You can you can delay the admissions, the admissions to go and so I said, Okay, I’ll do just that. And so I did the math, the master’s program, in counseling, I started, I’ve got interview, exams, all of that. And I got in, and I loved it. I said, what, I’ve never been enough in any educational program whatsoever. I go, when I do it after do and a graduate, I do not play around. And so with this, I don’t like learning about myself. Because you know, the counseling and the program, you got to learn about yourself before you can counsel others. I’m going over different areas in my life. I’m like, oh, crying over certain things, we need to heal over that. I mean, it was interesting. I loved it, because it forced me to be introspective and to learn about me. So when you learn about you, you can learn about other people. And so what ended up happening was I didn’t get into law school, but I didn’t care. I was in this I was in this. And one thing that I didn’t realize was I was already doing this before I even knew about counseling, I was always the go to person that go to friend to go to system, you know, to help people with their issues. I didn’t know you get paid for it. I really didn’t know that. So here I am doing the Masters level thing. And I loved it. The only thing I didn’t like too much into the measurements and appraisals part and the statistical this and Oh, yeah. Overall, it was is a blessing. It was really great. graduated, I got both my internship turned into my job, which worked out really great. And I was able to work as an awesome and I was able to go through it. But then what ended up happening was I was working with counseling thing. I think at first I started as a vocational career counselor. And then I liked it, it was okay. And then I got and then I went to another job doing the same thing, but a little bit more. And then I said, Okay, well, I like this, but I want to do more. So got into substance, substance abuse field. And I enjoyed that. But I always felt that I was being limited because with certain the counseling, there’s so many different areas you can go into. But it limits you if it’s one or two areas. So I said, Man, I’m getting bored here. I want to do more than what can I do to then I got into the so I went back to school and actually was going for my double my double double masters in healthcare management as well as my MBA and Healthcare Management. Sounds like you know what, let me try that. Let me do that. But what ended up happening was accounting was kicking my butt. Sometimes, but not kicking my butt. I’ve got a tutoring if needed. But this I couldn’t get it. It was statistical something and accountant. I just could not get it. And I said, Oh my gosh, I can’t quit school. I just started this thing. What am I gonna do? So I spoke to my advisor, and he said, Well, we have our doctoral programs in this in this in the school. So maybe you may want to try that sounds like I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to teach I don’t
want to be for why don’t want to be I’m good. But I’ve checked it out anyway. I guess what? I fell in love, again,
with this awesome program into it because it listed all the classes you’d be taken for this for the for the years you were there. And I love everything I was familiar with it. Yes, I yes. I enjoyed every like I loved it. And even when I went into but now again. So I had him shift me to the Ph. D program. And then I started looking at this the course load. I never forgot, though, the first time I looked at my syllabus. And I was like it was just pages because that’s what people just pages of of silly syllabus is like one or two or three pages, five or six pages. And I’m going through every page on the call who did not get anxiety over this, you can do this oh boy already because it was a lot of work. But you know what? Yeah, it was a lot of words that I could have done. And I enjoyed it. And I’ve been as every every sense, because I love and I enjoyed what I was doing. And so that’s what got me into the doctoral program. And then with me, I always with the counselors, you know, you always have to be licensed to be to to practice anywhere. So I went to my exams for my license years in Jersey and in in here in New York. And then I got
and then I got into jersey and adolescence there. And then I’m thinking I’m thinking about other states currently, but at this point is just New York, New Jersey. Here I am and I’ve been doing it ever since
Justin Trosclair 7:57
so much passion to
our local council a man out Oh, I love it. I enjoy it. Man, I get excited helping people a half price and everything like you got that you finally got that going again. Because for me, our people, I just don’t listen to your problem. I see you like okay, so you’re going to be with a problem, right? People understand like I people tell me their problem. I’m already seeing the solution with a future. My goal is to see you less. I’m not helping you if you’re coming to me 1012 1415
years down the road with the same exact problem now have a different problems, obviously. So that’s understandable. But if it’s the same problem, what do we do it? Come on now we got to do something you did. You got to empower you. Because my ultimate goal is helping people to empower them. So they can help themselves, help their relationships help in that turns into family goes to the community in the world, because I can counsel everybody, I can get to everybody. But if I can reach one or two people, you can reach the world. I’m just saying that’s my dream. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. No,
Justin Trosclair 8:58
that’s great. You don’t hear this passion every day. That’s for sure.
Justin Trosclair 9:03
So at this point, you, you have the background, you get your PhD, what do you see it now kind of the same stuff or because you have now the higher degree, you’re you’re not pigeon holed? Like it sounds like at first year, you’re starting to get pigeonholed and getting bored. But now you’re wide open, and you can accept whatever kind of patients you want, or do you focus in on certain topics now?
Well, I think eventually, I’m going to focus in on certain topics, but because I’m just enjoying myself, right now I can see anybody and say anything, I can see I can see anyone I enjoy the ability to help others in any areas of their life. It’s for me, it’s like, you accept me or you. I’m honored that you give me that part of your life that you can give others. So I treasure that. And I don’t make it a frivolous moment many times, I’ve, I’ve had potential clients crying to me saying, but I really wanted to work with my past counselor, but it’s been painful, because you’re not giving me what I need. And even I tell them, it’s not what I need anymore. It’s like they don’t listen, they just have their own quota. And I say, Well, I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through that. And then we work we go forward. Because for me, I’m not going to have a client continue to bash another counselor because I don’t know the full story. But what I can do is I can help the, the client or potential client get to whatever their issue is that we can go forward in that area. Because my sessions are not about negativity. They’re not about you know, pulling anyone down is like, all right, well, well, this has happened. I’m sorry. So sorry, for your experience. How can we go forward where you’re okay, and we do better for next time kind of thing?
Justin Trosclair 10:38
You see? No, that’s totally understandable when I went to one one time, and I was like, wow, this is I just didn’t feel like we jive that all. And then you make some calls. You have a couple other appointments. And you know what somebody else you’d like? Oh, okay. So this is what counseling could be like, this is this is good. This is much better. This is what I expected it to be based on that was my major as well to begin with was my undergrad that psychology head. Yeah. So it’s just nice to see that there is a difference. And I think it’s good to probably find out like, Well, why are you disappointed? You know, they have, you know, you get to spend a little time probably just to be like, okay, absolutely. Let’s not cross the same path, because it’s obviously rubs you wrong, that other one didn’t really do anything wrong. It’s just you didn’t like it. Right? Right. Right. Because if you get that relationship, isn’t it kind of, I’m gonna say a divorce. But it’s, it can be traumatic. If you already had trauma, and you’re having to change Council. He’s like, I gotta do this all over again.
They’re crying to me, obviously, is dramatic. You know, it’s, it’s sad, but keep it moving with that, you know, listen,
Justin Trosclair 11:37
what’s something that someone can do if they’ve been to a counselor for I don’t know, like, a couple of months? And then like, I really need to change. But my goodness, I have to start all over and spend all this time and money with a brand new? And is there any way to beat up the process? Like, where they just spend that first two sessions? Huge overview of what has been going on? Or do you just have to start from scratch? Well,
there’s a couple of questions after this this question a lot of said, but there’s a couple of questions that she just want to ask in the in the initial stages of counseling that to your counselor, you know, let you know, what’s what’s your professional background? With? What we’ve got them into counseling? You know, what is it that makes it where what’s what’s their practice? What what’s determination phase? If things are not working out? Like? How do we speak through that. And a lot of clients, a lot of they don’t know how to do those things, because for them, they just trust the counselor. And that’s it. And I always tell my clients, at least some of them is if the media because sometimes I have emergency sessions where I can get too deep into me ethical, straight into what they’re doing, because they’re crying. I mean, they don’t want to hear about me, it’s about that. However, righteous times, and moments and even after that we’re among all right, well, here’s my stuff. You know, you do want to hear about that. And sometimes I’m not sure. But really, they’re so focused on their problem, which is understandable that the time is even go into, okay, well, my practice is this and this than the other, they just want help. And so they’re able to get that quick help, they almost immediately know I’m coming back to you again. Because you you know, have a session first two sessions, if you you can buy with a person and I tell people feel that vibe, if it is a vibe, it’s like in a relationship, if you know, bottom of that blind date, you’re not gonna have a second day, you know, it’s the same thing when you have that, that vibe with them so that they understand that you know, are you understand that maybe this may not work out, and people don’t listen to it, because, you know, they’re like, Oh, well, I have insurance and I can pay for this council. And and it’s that so I say, let’s go back to your insurance. We got another one from the insurance just do to keep on going until you comfortable with that person business your life. You know, yeah, I go there with them. Yes.
Justin Trosclair 13:39
This is this theme that even with their own mental health, we have to say, only get four for providers. And you’re the closest one. Yeah, that’s how I picture. I mean, that’s kind of how I picked my one of the ones that I did. But it turned out to be a good situation. Yeah. Sometimes our last insurance campaign cash, it was really good. Yeah. Yeah. I think you kind of answered it, but you might have a brand new answer. Would you consider your specialty? What makes you so unique and went to you just love coming to work to see
empowerment? It’s not a specialty. I like empowering people. I love empowering people it blesses my heart I when people come into my office for any issue any you’re tearing up there crying or whatever, and you’re leaving my office laughing with a future goal at of your future, you know, or they were thinking suicidal thoughts and like, you know, we talked it through and they’re like they’re they’re out there with me and you’re on another golden to do someone else. Don’t do it. That Oh, my goodness. It’s no no other feeling like it i empowered you to to to change your whole life dynamic to be for positivity. Are you kidding me to help someone else where you can even help yourself? That’s huge for me. Huge. I like it.
Justin Trosclair 14:53
There’s not much house I mean, that’s good. That’s a good doctor holder. empowerment. One.
Do you give seminars and coaching and speaking engagements and all that?
Well, I do I get invited to do conferences like I did. I think I did have one way back in February. And I think I did one with look at this August. I think my thing is on my Instagram pages. I do so many things around the room. I don’t post everything. But I do know I do. I do do some conferences. I do do some speaking engagements at times, I get invited here and there. And I pick whatever works in my schedule, the coaching, I have not been getting as much as the more speaking more empowering people to do better.
Justin Trosclair 15:38
Let’s go Is it a corporations or a psychology conferences?
Actually it said it said business events that conferences for relationships, or wherever else have I been different, like international conferences, and I just speak about empowering, you know, the person’s so much fun. Yeah,
Justin Trosclair 15:59
yeah. any misconceptions? I mean, that’s a that’s a can of worms here. So one of the most common misconceptions maybe about yourself, and also the profession that you’re in?
Well, with the counseling profession, it’s like, Oh, I can’t see a counselor because I’ll be considered crazy. That’s the worst. Because a lot of it is because a lot of people are hurting. And it’s not because you’re crazy need counseling, know, sometimes you just need the help to have someone to listen to because you don’t have anyone to talk to. Our bodies are designed to love our bodies are designed to to accept love, we know that this world has has made it where we have to protect those souls. And, and, and not from the harm of this world. And so, you know, when you have been in situations or issues or conversations or whatever, and it has hurt you, and you have no one else has to have at least that hurt or pain to it gets bottled up. And then there’s depression or certain disease. I mean, I’m telling I feel like the depression, anxiety, all that after it’s all connected to our emotions, and connected to the things that we can keep inside I’ve been unable to speak about, I feel like people do not take the time to get their mental health together to get their bodies together, maybe their financial stuff together, you know, but the mental health hard, they’re like, Oh, that’s the crazy people. I don’t need that not realizing know, you need to talk to people about things, please. You know, so that’s, that’s one of the main ones that every I’ve been trying to break down here and there. But that’s one of the main one. Do you find that people’s guilt? Like I don’t know, for whatever reason, maybe it’s guilt or abuse or whatever, leads to a lot of the depression and anxiety that they experience and they just don’t actually realize it all the time. All the time. All the time. I can’t tell you how many people be it’s funny. Okay, let me give you an okay. People come to me for one thing, right. And I and I will say I stayed inside. But potential clients come to me for one thing, but I know I know other dig deeper. It’s 3456 different things. You go back to the childhood, you back to the teenage years, you guys Oh, yeah, I wasn’t views on my thanks for letting me know that. Or, or I was this. I love that. And it’s like, and I connect the dots, but they didn’t see before and they’re like, wait a minute. So that’s why I’ve been feeling betrayed, or that’s why I don’t trust this person or that person. Because this was happening to me my childhood. I’m like, What you think? Because I don’t just tell them? Oh, bro, I’m like, I’m not gonna tell you what you know to be is true. I’m going to reveal to you because I tell them I’m your partner here. You know, I’m not a teacher saying you need to do this. You know, I’m your partner here. I’m like a detective. I reveal things that you that maybe you didn’t you didn’t spot. I’m like your blind spot or kind of thing. And I kind of reveal things to you. And hey, you can take it and I taught my clients all the time you take it or leave it Hey, who am I? Who am I? And they start laughing. But the point is that I reveal to them, Hey, this is what may be going on. Okay, you can choose to accept it or not. But the sooner you accept it, we can move forward because again, people are in a lot of denial. Because they are prime. The pump is too stubborn or like listen, no, no, that’s not me. That’s I’m like, Okay, and then give it another two or three sessions. You’re right Doc, that’s me. Yeah.
Justin Trosclair 19:02
never fails. never failed. I mean, they’ve they’ve package that up and ship that all the way to the far ends of the earth. They’re not looking to
open that anytime soon. Well, what’s happening is the the arms of it is reaching all over them and making their life so messy.
Justin Trosclair 19:17
Yeah. Do you happen to find a trend and some of the concerns that patients asked over and over again?
Am I really crazy? Is something wrong with me? Do you think I’m crazy? Did my what was the other one? Do you think he loves? Do you think he really loves me? But it wasn’t relationships? Am I enough? I don’t think too much of myself. I’m just trying to think of the top of my head. Those are the few that comes to mind immediately lesson deep
Justin Trosclair 19:43
questions in a hurry to
Justin Trosclair 19:48
be like, Oh, my goodness, yeah,
a lot of there’s a lot of hurting people out there. And a lot of insecure people out there and it just need validation. And if we can validate our over evaluate, that’s me, you know, I’m like, you know, in this session, regardless was happening in the world is will be positive and you will be good after this. You will be just trust it. Just Just a moment just to just to the season of the session.
Justin Trosclair 20:10
And just to clarify this you can look quote poor or you can look rich, and you still have the same issues. Absolutely. Am I enough? They don’t validate me. I don’t feel empowered. I not getting the love that I need. Do you subscribe to like the the five love languages? Yes, you’ve read the book, I’m sure there’s any value in that?
Absolutely. I use with my client, my couples, I use it. Because they need to know how to love each other. They need to know what the love languages are, I think is a really good book because it shows you even if you know it a little bit, it reminds you because I use it as a tool. And to help identify with the couple’s, hey, the reason she’s not good, but this is because you’re not doing it this way. The reason he’s gonna go over this is because you’re not doing it that way. So if you’re able to let combine and do it this way, hey, let’s see how that works. And they become, they become the individual try it. And sometimes it works. Sometimes it’s okay, this is not working for you will try another system. But I use as many tools as I can anything because I don’t just use one tool. For one couple of this couple. I use various tools because every couple of person, everyone is different.
Justin Trosclair 21:14
So here’s a good question. You are a African American female doctor.
And from other I had a woman series over the summer, and one thing I heard a lot was, hey, boo. Hey, honey, do you like no I’m not? I’m not honey. I’m Dr. so and so. And I’m a dentist? I don’t when I go get coffee? We’re not going anywhere. In this Dr. Holder? Do you experience any of that type of stuff? And do you have any like mindsets are tricks to stop it? It’s set yourself apart? Like, this is who I am respected?
Well, yeah, I didn’t know again. It’s so funny what my first, my one of my first gigs after I got my doctorate. They were very respectful. It was all it was always about through this doctor that so I never really had that at the beginning. But then I switch locations and I got into another job situation. And I guess they were very common based with how they spoke with everyone. But because I was the only one doing what I was doing. And I was the only one that had to for me, I knew I had to have that boundary up for my own safety number one my own. Just Just the way the system was set up for just my own safety. My own just title. I just needed that to be a part of that and see my clients have that like separation. It was it was like frowned upon a little bit like, Who do you think you are? And it wasn’t even about who do I think I was I’m like, that’s my professional name. That’s my business name. When I have worked in hospitals, or schools or just different areas, like that’s the culture I come from, it’s just a respect as Mr. Mrs. If you’re a doctor, doctor, that’s it. Nothing. Nothing big nothing. But you could tell that because of what I looked like it was like, even with that, it was like, Oh, you have that? Oh, you owe you. And I realized that I didn’t really have been dealing with it. But yeah, I deal with a little bit of discrimination just a little bit at times. And I did I don’t know if you call it reverse ageism, were like you because you’re a young, you’re not too young to
Justin Trosclair 23:15
be a doctor. Right, right, right. Kind of life experience,
if ever birth, or is that just as an artist is that? Am I getting it? Right?
Justin Trosclair 23:23
I just to be young person ages and versus old people ages
to do this job. I didn’t even know what. And I’m like, why. And then the fact that I’m a woman, you know, and then it really showed me that there’s a lot of individuals that look at me, and they’re like, Oh, wait, you’re actually a doctor really. And looking at me like, like, they wouldn’t say you need to validate that or you need to confirm that but you see it because again, as a as a counselor, you assess people is just naturally it is what it is. And you see that energy and you’re like really, so you just keep it moving. You know, you you know used to stay professional, you are correct people. And after a while they get it and they leave and they and they and they’re respectful. But at the beginning stages of it, it was a little tiring, because it’s almost like, I don’t have to prove anything to you. You know, this is it. My degrees on the table. I worked really hard for this. I go hard for my clients. I’m not play. You can just call me Dr. holder. That’s the problem. Wow, that’s a problem with it. I didn’t I think that’s your problem. Because I’ve been around this way. So yeah, I have gotten in here and there. And I still get it here and there. But it’s getting a little bit better. As I have been in the field, and people are starting to know me and getting that. So
Justin Trosclair 24:36
yeah. That’s interesting, because you’re in the New York, New Jersey area in New York City, kind of
Yeah, yeah. New York City. And I’m New York. I’m in New York and jersey. I’m in both
Justin Trosclair 24:46
see that wouldn’t expect that more in the middle in the south. But it seems like the coast wouldn’t be very much more like,
it’s Yes, ma’am. You know, don’t do this. No, no, I hear you. But what I think what it is, is it’s not. And it’s so funny. There’s not a lot of nice going around. That’s the best I could say. There are they are respectful, but but not looking like me. I don’t know how to have us explain that. And so No, that’s good. Yeah. So when so and I didn’t get it at first. Because when I go because I growing up, like I knew my my father and my brother, they dealt with that heavily as black men in the United States. And so I grew up seeing that, and my cousins and uncles, you know, dealing with racism and all of that. So but but I never really saw that adult. And I never dealt with that, personally. Because, honestly, black females, for the most part, do deal with it, but not as much I’ll say, as the black black men in the United States. And so when I got a little taste of it, I’m like, ouch. And the thing is, I didn’t even like, it’s so funny. Like, you just know you were wrong. But the way it happened, you didn’t realize because you’re like, wait, I don’t want you get I don’t want to paint a racecar. That’s not me. I don’t think that’s, you know, you can you try blue didn’t mean it that way. But then you start seeing Oh, wait, they’re there. They’re doing this with, you know, my counterparts and they’re not doing that with me, or, you know, they’re saying this to you know, and you see, the difference is you’re like, oh, it is that and then you know, you can from it with other people, because you like you don’t want to like oh, no, what’s this? And it’s not? Because that’s what I do. I could Yeah, a lot. I don’t want to just say, Oh, you doing this just because I’m a very open person. I’m very, you know, open to everything braces, everything I races, right. I’m open to, you know, different races, different cultures, I’m very open like fat. However, when certain things don’t add up, it’s like, oh, wait, that is what it is. Maybe it is this? Yeah. And I hate that. But that’s what it is. And I had to learn to like almost like, work around that and be positive even in that. Because it’s almost like you really, really try and bring my apartment down here. Because now you’re you’re hitting me now. And I’m like I didn’t anything new, but get my doctorate if you got a problem like,
Justin Trosclair 27:03
However, however, I’ve learned to you know, work around it smile and say, no, it’s after holder, I prefer this. Thank you. But it’s that they’re holding on my first name. Thank you so much. I’m gonna smile and keep it moving. Because you know what it is. But you know what, that’s your issue is not mine. I know who I am and who I am what I worked hard for. And that’s my spiel with that, you know?
Justin Trosclair 27:23
Well, I hope to have a male, Afro American doctor, I’m not getting a lot of return calls yet. Okay. We’ll see how that plays out. Because I know
they’ve been through it, and you’re going to have
Justin Trosclair 27:34
a unique situation. And I don’t know, that’s just part of the culture. And part of the the way the United States is right now. And luckily, I think you’re taking it good. I mean, you could be very angry about it. But
have you? Have you ever seen the quote, and I think they, they do a lot of shade towards counselor, sometimes with these quotes, the quote says, you know, you’re a counselor, when you don’t get mad because you understand what the other person is coming from.
You get that? Like,
Justin Trosclair 28:10
their heart. They don’t even know
that it’s a meme. And I’m like, Yeah, but it’s so true. Because you’re like, wow, we met this. And that’s what I was trying to do when it happened to me, like I try to rationalize it. Coming from your background, and you know, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that’s me.
Justin Trosclair 28:29
That’s hilarious. I’m still judging you. I’m just not showing it.
Oh, my goodness. Well, I am excited to ask this question. People who were in college, maybe they’re like a sophomore, maybe they just graduated, and they’re trying to figure out what to do. Maybe they’re struggling, they’ve been in practice for a while burning out, not making financially what they expected they were going to make any kind of advice or practical steps for all those types of people?
Well, again, I would read it, you know, why did that she became a counselor? Like, what was the expectation, because obviously, when you get burnt out on something, and expectation is not being met, there’s something that went wrong within whether your thought process or the process of what you thought it was going to be. And so I would have the conversation and ask those questions. And then I would say, is this is this your passion? Is this what you want to do, and then I would just really talk about who they work for, you know, what’s called to just be that. That’s what I’m saying, who’s causing them this is that the agency the you may even make you you need to change agency, possibly, because sometimes it’s bad, because I’ve had a lot of calls a lot of students asking me to be mentors to them, where they’re like, you know, their current supervisor is just not doing it, and you’re feeling really wrong and really, you know, messed up certain things. So I can be measured for everyone. So I give them advice I give them you know, phone calls, we talk, you know, I don’t I don’t charge anything, I just talked to them, because I know what that feeling is. And so I try to encourage them to like, just try to see if you can work with you to the visor, they used to provide, you know, your concern, so that you for you to do a better job, because when you’re burnt out your clients suffer, and if you’re in this field to help and as well, my first question is, how passionate Are you with this, there’s someone says there is burnt out burnout. But if you’re stuck with your position, you have to speak to a supervisor if possible, if you can do that, well, if not, I would recommend maybe starting to maybe, you know, look for something else. Because if you burn out because of an agency, there’s not much you can do unless you be because it’s just happens that way. But if it’s a supervisor situation, then having a you know, one on one, hopefully supervisors understanding to understand how to help you because as a supervisor, they should have tools to help you cope with the burnout tell the clients typically,
Justin Trosclair 30:43
if you don’t like substance abuse, that doesn’t mean you have to do with the rest of your life. Just start seeing those people,
right, because that’s what I did. I went back to school, I still stayed in the job. I went back to school, though, because I’m like, you know what I want to do I want to be a more holistic counselor, I want to be doing a lot more than just one thing or two things. And I went back to school and you No, because that’s what I would say to if they need to go back to school as well to just re reframe again, hey, do that. Because I did that. And I am really, really flying. But I knew this is what was going to happen. I it really worked out well for me. Do you ever get
Justin Trosclair 31:13
a client? Like type A, like super type A personalities? For me? There’s sometimes they’re frustrating, because they want to know, every little detail. And even when you answer it to me, I’m like, Look, this is what you have. This is a bold, start answering their questions is never enough. And sometimes you just have to go over their head, you’d big terms, and then they’re satisfied. And they’re like, all right, I trust you know, like, all right, okay, you just needed to hear mechanical receptors. blows your mind. Do you have any clients that you’re just like, I need to escort you to another counselor? Because I don’t like your style or the issues that you’re dealing with? I just don’t deal with this anymore. Is that allowed? even funny you say that? Okay, well, that’s why I do a screening process. For the most part, I take most of my clients. So are you speaking potential client or actual client? Well, since you mentioned screening, that’s a great way to not have them to begin with that was a great way to just say everything I said in one word. But once you have them, are you ever allowed to just like, fire them because they’re so draining emotionally for you, and you just can’t deal with that type of person?
Well, how do I said, I have, it’s so interesting, I have a way of just getting straight to the point and being very blunt. I don’t go around the issues. So I remember I had this client, and they were very suspicious like suspicious, you know, and they were like looking at my profile is is what they told me for the for the past six months. Like Should I do it? Shouldn’t do it. Should I do it? Shouldn’t I do it? Oh, yeah, their intent and defining they did it and they came to see me so we’re talking and they were going over the issues are going over the issues. And they’re like, well, but what about this? And what about this? And I’m like, Well, what about this? And what about that? So then they’re like, I’m making them think because I’m gonna put me in a box Honey, I’m into this too long. We asked. We can have a conversation to the phone. They’re like, you’re good that
because I get in there like don’t don’t don’t write it Don’t you started because I’m going to my main goal is to empower you. Your feelings No, you’re filling office and it’s especially we don’t get to why you feel this is for his wife to them know what’s going on behind it. And it’s like, not too much but it’s almost like they sometimes I’ve had clients need like man that was a workout you know because I get in touch with them because I’m if you’re not coming here for fun and games we were working on some stuff here. We got to get you okay baby will be all right on the apartment and it says do is so the games and all that but in that first half an hour. Alright, well, we don’t. Because my goal is to help you you came to be helped not the question. The more you you went through all my profiles you’re waiting six months? We don’t you here 45 minutes, let’s go what’s what’s up? You know, cuz I don’t think people’s com.
Justin Trosclair 33:56
You like a parent who sees a kid line you like, kid, I’ve got the 30 or 40 years on you. I got know what law you’re about to tell me. Anything that you could possibly think of? I can see actually,
I wouldn’t even say that. I would just be like, so why are you learn about this? This this? I would just be straight up? Yeah, yeah. Well, why go through all of that I have 40 years. Don’t don’t care about that. You get to the hit, you get to the bottom of the domain issue. And once you get to the bottom of the main issue, but I’m going to dance all the truth
Justin Trosclair 34:25
accepted or? Yeah, exactly. Do you ever have to market yourself to either get speaking gigs or to get new clients?
Actually, I have, I’m still working on it. I have a YouTube channel, I have a Twitter, I have an Instagram. And I have my Facebook page. And every day on my Twitter, Instagram and Facebook page, I always try to post inspirational quotes, I post my speaking engagements I post what I spoke about it some video sometimes will when I when I speak about, I keep that going. But YouTube is a little bit longer because of it used to be as good of a long word videos, you got to edit now Rob will always have the time for it, but I have the videos to put it on YouTube, it’s just, it could be a bit much at time. So the quick short videos or the quick, you know, quotes or whatever that I know, that I know can inspire people that put that on the those other channels that I do have. And so from those channels, people have dm to me in regards to doing speaking engagements, conferences, I have other, you know, colleagues that know of me, and they would ask me to speak, you know, at their events kind of thing. And so, you know, I’m getting around in that way. And I know that I’ve actually been promoting which it’s looking really good. I’m getting more and more individuals checking me out, wanting me to be at their schools and different things of that nature for them. In regards to apartment and counseling and things of that nature,
Justin Trosclair 35:51
have you decided to live stream on Facebook, any counseling sessions
can do that.
maybe in China, China can do that, right? In China, we can do
Justin Trosclair 36:05
anything in China.
I was asking somebody, somebody was kind of making a comment, like, wait, you can date your clients here as like, that’s a problem. I was like, I’m gonna stick with my American ethical board here. But apparently, there’s no real. But then again, there could be and it just one of those things that you should just know better. But I mean, I’ve seen doctors and patients get all up in their faces with each other like screaming. I was like, What? And I’m just sitting back and like, Who’s gonna punch first? What did this patient do that this doctor is just going off? Oh, my God, or the other way around? And you know, understand what they’re saying was crazy. I’m just like, wow, they’re about a fistfight with each other. Oh, my gosh, that’s happened maybe twice in three years?
Yeah. Wow. But I mean, somebody, so you know, patients can be a little crazy sometimes. You know, there are a lot of people here like very uneducated, or, and so that kind of has their own. I never experienced that in America, like, deep like kids, people who’ve kind of stopped school, like fifth grade. Yeah, you know, in sixth grade, and then kind of had to just find their way in the world. It’s an interesting, it’s different. What we take advantage of, and whenever you’re, you’re dealing with the normal population, you know, all that kind of stuff. So, anyway, but the YouTube I like that idea, because video is where it’s at, they say these days, and based on what you’re doing, I’ve already I’ve already pre screen you. I can how do you talk? How do you relate? What’s your mindset on certain things? Like Yes, check, check, check, as do, huh, have you got any five year goals set for yourself? And how do you know if they’re worthy of pursuing
I so my youtube channel because for me, it’s always about bigger goals, the YouTube channel, I started because I can’t reach the world by myself, I need a channel to do that. So one of my goals for YouTube is to continue to post videos more so me speaking like this, that I’m speaking to you more so about just different topics that people need help and knowing you’re not going to see me. But maybe through this you can see me but also see that I have a wife constantly can be maybe learn from something from me in that way. I want to eventually travel internationally doing different speaking events and different speaking gigs, because I travel already enough. And I love traveling all over the world. I love it. It’s amazing. To me, it’s just really traveling, doing conferences, helping people in power in the world, through counseling, through mental health, through my faith through just through different areas just to help people get better with their lives. That’s my main thing. Because when people are good with their lives, man, the role is a happier place. It really is because there’s so much going on. And if I can do if I can just be a little snippet to just Hey, boom, sunlight, I want to be that so that’s part of my five year they just just traveling the world teaching people talking to them about empowerment goals, empowerment things, what’s going on with their lives, and then going from there. So that’s what one of the main things with my business I want to start I want to do,
Justin Trosclair 39:03
do you have any kind of niches that you’re trying to break into? What do you mean, like sports psychology, or, you know, family therapy, or you’re the go to person for anxiety relief or anything like that.
It’s funny all that’s great. I’m already doing some stuff of that, but I’ve definitely want to, it’s interesting, you’re gonna laugh, but I would like to like be like a sidebar counselor for celebrities. Because I have seen so much gunk like now the Okay, I don’t know, if you’ve noticed this trend happening where I think within the last 10 years off, the celebrities have become more common, where they’re airing out more of your dirty laundry, and you can see a lot of their anxieties, the latter depression, you’re seeing a lot of things are doing that actions. And I’m just like, Oh my gosh, you do need someone to talk to you don’t talk to social media about this. Just keep that confidential, and I feel for them because I’m like, man, like, I would want to help them. However, of course, they don’t hold me. celebrities are to the point where they’re like, Look, what do you want from me? You know, like, if you’re coming through, you know, now realizing that, no, you just need help. And I really want to help you. So if I’m going into the celebrity niche, oh my gosh, I will be for me, I’ll be blessed. Because, again, celebrities, they have a big platform, right? If they’re good, and they’re okay, they can spread more positivity and more again, back to my main goals, right and and positivity and environment around the world. And so for me getting into the celebrity initially be great. I want to say I’m very good with anxiety, depression is pretty cool. But I’m really glad anxiety. I love my anxiety clients for some reason. They’re just they’re always, they always have something for me. And I’m like, all right, you make me work harder. Thanks, guys like.
But I don’t really have a specific niche at this point. I’m probably going to be more specific as I get older, but you know what? relationships. I’ll say relationship. I love love. Like I love love being couples in love. I love seeing them make something work, I love seeing when they meet their right person. And it works for them. And I love that. I love that I can be a part of that process and helping them get better, but each other because there’s always there’s always a solution to any couple, it’s just do you want to do the work? That’s it. And if you’re a lot of work sometimes, that’s what I’m saying. It’s about the work. So you can choose not to and you can choose to but choose something Don’t be in the middle, because that’s always the worst. And so, relationship is one thing that I would definitely want to go heavy, more heavily into, as I get older. But I’m at this point, I’m just taking a moment. I’m just taking taking them in and just really helping everyone as I can, as a counselor. Two questions, as far as, say relationship, do you recommend pre marriage counseling? Absolutely. It’s gonna basis Absolutely. But then again, there’s a part of the two that are part two to that gap, email counseling, but get the one that makes sense. There’s some fundamental counseling that is so light. What was the point? Get the intense one, get the one that’s going to get you make you uncomfortable? Because marriage is no joke. You have to pay. People don’t understand and like, Oh, I get this a lot. This is from this is to your other question. What’s the typical things people say or something like that? I’ll say this for relationships. Okay. So I get the woman remarried, it’s all going to work itself out. Wow.
That’s the word. I mean, what? What would you think so, marriage magnifies, like, to the quadruple power Kindle.
Justin Trosclair 42:33
bring us together?
Come on now. So I’m like no, it Matt marriage magnifies any issue or problem you may have into relationship together, it just magnifies it more. So like, come back up. Let’s try to work through most of all the issues you have again, you’re not going to get everything but get the majority in there and do that work. So when you get married when it does come up? It’s not like oh, I surprise or shock. You see what I’m saying? And so with that I tell my couples all the time. be easy with this marriage thing? Hold on Don’t rush just just be easy. Be careful. Do you use want you just want to do it right the first time? You know, because the course is no joke either. It’s rough. It’s a lot of tears to pit. Please just do it right the first time do the work beforehand to do it. And you can be okay, but just little work. Yes. So premarital counseling, the intense one is very good to have. And I do have that on my, on my website as well. I’m like, Come on, guys. Let’s go. Boy.
Justin Trosclair 43:29
I’ll tell you. I was you know that the ex wife here was like, hey, maybe we should have a kid is like maybe we shouldn’t
get our relationship on that a plus plane before we thought about children was like exactly, we’re not gonna have that. All I know is is supposed to make things worse. Yes.
Justin Trosclair 43:51
What about these celebrities? Do you think the always and it was just like hidden that they had depression and all these these issues that they have? Or is it like a new thing where the media the media is is always in your face always trying to mess with you so that there’s no if they had a problem, it’s amplified. Like when Bieber started going crazy, the media amplified and you’re like, dude, 19 or whatever it was, like he’s just been 19 Why are you guys making it so much worse than it seems? Any anything? Any thoughts on that? Is it getting worse? or?
Yeah, but social media? Yeah. But I think it’s both You know, I think that if you had underlying depression issues or underlying situations in your life, if you are if it’s exposed on a regular bigger platform, it will get worse is just what it is because where your supports a lot of celebrities don’t have a lot of support they have been betrayed they have had a lot of issues with different people they’ve been betrayed the trade the trade as the biggest thing. And so the Who do you trust? Who do you trust and so when you see that, and then the media you This is the person your media, you just become like an overnight celebrity like that in itself, because you have to always deliver that the pressure is is intense, and that can make you very good price. And so I would say both, I would say media as well as maybe underlying depression or anxiety beforehand. I would say both in regards to making it worse for some celebrities in regards to mental health. Yeah,
Justin Trosclair 45:11
very good. Because we see abuse to absolutely you know, I could think of a couple of people that come to mind news that it really hit people and hit women and things like that you like that’s not okay. Yeah, you can you can get help for that. But okay, as far as your profession where do you see going in five years?
I see it becoming what I’m noticing from my last 10 years 20 years is a long time pound out the last 10 to 15 year 15 minutes 15 years the thing Yeah,
Justin Trosclair 45:43
you do look young doctor
for a while and so when I first came into it it was it was a new It was never it wasn’t when I came in it was new it was it was there the counseling profession psychology all that but there was a still a freshness to it so like Oh, you got to see the psychologist or counselor because you’re crazy kind of thing. What I’m noticing now again not today but I’m seeing for the next five years that people are now seeing counseling not as you’re crazy right I’m now seeing a turn where like people are not seeing it oh I need help because the pressure and the immense situation to getting so bad to did desperate to not do the desperation they’re now looking for counselors. Okay because the guy the client I told you about that lifted me look me up for six months and was wasn’t sure whether or not to go to a counselor. That was a guy. I’m noticing a lot more guys are reaching out when it comes to relationships and moody Colombo guys are reaching out for their relationship than their girlfriend before it was a swift it was we usually the women coming after counseling for their relationships are themselves I’m seeing Yes, I’m noticing that the the ship. So five years further, I think that counseling and that stigma, maybe decrease the little bit. You know where I saw you just don’t see concert for crazy, you know, you see concert of talk to someone about thing. So I’m seeing that happening with with what I’m seeing as of today.
Justin Trosclair 47:11
Yeah. I would love to see that. Because I think it’s always a hidden Oh, you were seeing the counselor, right? Yes. Yeah, we’re seeing a counselor can confide in you that I’m seeing a counselor like Yeah, why? Why is it so we’re just, you know, and it helps. I mean, I’m sure you exactly like what you just said it’d be nice to not have any stigma where people are like, Oh, I’m going to the dentist. And I got my counselor session. Two hours afterwards. It’s a it’s a MIDI. Switch it up a little bit. Yeah. Are you able to take vacation? And if you don’t take enough, how could you take more? Oh, listen.
I traveled to add travel. I love traveling. I have to travel. I’ve been traveling for a while. When I travel I think a couple days off I take it frees up my clients but give them homework to do. Because I can be with you all the time. But um, yeah, I travel that’s my main thing. I travel I dance. I sing what else do I do? I’m still in play the piano still learning that but I keep myself outside of the counseling in a different in any artistic and traveling world going to see me and Jason are you doing? So? I do liturgical lyrical dancing, so I danced with flags and advance with a modern dance. I have Valley movements involved in there. Sometimes I sing opera song. I have a show coming up in December. Yeah, I’m singing at a concert there. What else am I doing? Oh, I live in a ballroom showcases. I had my last one in I think September August. I think I think I have another one coming up. Next year sometime. But
Justin Trosclair 48:51
yeah, these with the stars type stuff like
Justin Trosclair 48:55
So pretty impressive.
So I enjoy I enjoy myself because life is I feel like life is you know what it is, I appreciate my clients and their life reminds me of the blessings I do have their lives. And I’m just so thankful for the life I have because life is so short. And things happen so quickly. And it’s like you take advantage of everything. So I didn’t do these things always. But I now do them even more so on a regular basis. And I’m just so thankful that I you know, I got the opportunity to do something that’s different than outside, you know, my comfort zone.
Justin Trosclair 49:29
That’s awesome. That should be inspiring for people in powering, if you will have been kind of mentioned this. But anything else that preoccupies your mind, whether that it may be kids or hobbies or volunteer,
I want you guys to volunteer at schools, like Middle School, to empower them. And to talk we actually did that, wait a minute, hold on, everything back Hold on. I do Career Day, sometimes at different schools, and they’re like, really impressed. And they’re like, Oh, my gosh, I look really young.
And so when I speak with them, they’re looking at me, because we’re going to be like, she’s reading all this and how can I get with cheese? And because she seems really good doing it. And I’m African American, because a lot of the schools are like an inter inner inner city schools yet. And so I go and I look like them. And they’re like, wait, if she successfully and you see it in their eyes, and so I want to do more of that. I love foreign kids. And it’s just inspiring people, but kids, and you see the light in their eyes, and they’re like, Oh my gosh, like, I look like you look like me. So that means I could be successful to this is a blessing that even like because I don’t see my see for me. I don’t see myself as old as big deal. No, I just want to help and inspire people. But when I see that, like, Wow, look at you. I’m like I’m just humbled. I’m just humbled by the fact that I had the opportunity to speak to you. And if you’re blessed by bad Hey, you, you you take that and run here’s my car, you know, email me I can inspire you continually list as go you know, that the children?
Justin Trosclair 50:49
That’s one of the underlining you know, if you have goals for for, you know, a special series on a podcast, like that’s kind of one of the goals is you don’t see you don’t hear a lot African American doctors. It’s like, maybe that can inspire a whole bunch of people like, you know, they see a whole string of faces. Are these people know me just see white dudes. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. That’s why, you know, President Obama when he was president, I’m such a big deal. And I don’t know if you saw the picture of this little boy. I think it’s in one of the isn’t Facebook. But the little boy wanted to touch President Obama’s he’s a he’s a he’s an economic little boy. And he asked the president, can I touch you here? And when he did, he goes like, it’s just like mine. He just wanted to see like that is big. The United States like best.
Justin Trosclair 51:40
Actually a black guy. Is This Really? You?
Yeah. You’re like me, you know, it’s so it’s real. It’s real. The real.
Justin Trosclair 51:49
By the way, you don’t ask people to touch your hair. That’s completely
fine. Never thought
to do it.
Alright, guys, so unprofessional. Say when professional now.
Justin Trosclair 52:04
You have a whole work life balance. Yeah. Sounds like you do, but I got
it. I work I work really hard. But I do an effort of travel comes in where I’m like, you know what, it’s going to be a bit much I’m booking something to leave, or I do my my dancing or my singing once or twice a week, sometimes during the week to discuss, you know, just just just focus, because when I’m doing that, I can’t think about anything, but that and that’s why I like doing it so much. Because you’re so focused on the movement, or the right, you know, voice devote to it the way the vocal that your vocals are going, you focus on the words of the song, you know, it’s just different, completely different from what you’re doing on a regular basis. So
yeah, and then I have my family I hang out with just great, and we have a good time. And you know, I just try my best to like balance at all. Not Not every time it’s balanced, but it’s works for right now. Three, that’s good. How
Justin Trosclair 52:57
do you keep the love alive and feel connected with the spouse or significant other?
Well, you have to go to you have to go on dates, because it is ok. So if you have children, you have to have to have a date night and the date and doesn’t necessarily have to be going out. But communicating with each other looking into each other’s eyes. Just remembering like, why did you guys meet up like feeling that love again, because it’s always there, you know, the kids the bills, all that kinds of debt, that’s that’s the feeling a little bit, or that is the feeling a little bit. But if you can have that reconnection that wants you to two times a week or something, but with your mate, you just make it a really, really cute thing, you know, get a get a babysitter, I don’t know, just just get it because my thing is this, if you don’t take care of yourself and your mate your family is is your family is going to be all over the place. Like I never forgot, I was looking at the viewer was and Kelly Clarkson, she said that her and her husband they had they had she said it I forgot I’m paraphrasing it. But basically she said that her and her husband communing with each other like like like being together, having your date nights and whatever, that’s the oxygen that keeps the family together. And she made reference to the plane, when you’re on the plane, they say you have to put your mask on first and then you have to help the other person her putting her mask on first is her husband being good and being alright and being connected to the children which is the other mask you know can be okay in the family can go together because it started with the two of you. It can just be kids kids this this the know what they really let’s let’s go back to what we’re where it started. And once you do that, it will flow but you have to follow each other first you can’t just not so good each other and the main thing is not flowing, where’s the water coming from? What are we doing? So date nights are very, very important. If you have any problems or anything, it’s better not to go to family, but to go to a third party. Because family have them have a moment of not forgetting
your marriage. Do not tell your single friends anything, their blessings, great, but do not tell them anything about your metal problems. Go to another married couple which is a lot of friends in that way or again the third party in that way depending on how your situation is set up. But again, have to protect your marriage because again that everyone wants your marriage protected. So you have to be you and your husband have you have your husband or your wife or your spouse will ever have to be that protection for the marriage You know you guys are in your own little ball so you said yes and I do each other You and your own little ball and everyone else is around it and take that
Justin Trosclair 55:31
one was I even lost some friends going through a divorce. It was like wait we were buddies what what just happened? It wasn’t like they picked me versus her it was like I think like that might rub off Yeah, yeah yeah there was going on I don’t want to be want to be a part of that you’d like wow, okay, well, that’s that’s enjoyed your company. So yes, it’s true.
Do you have any kind of morning or lunch routine the grounds you and get you excited for the rest of the day? Right food? No, like a morning routine?
Justin Trosclair 56:01
it’s very, it’s very popular these days. like everybody’s like, will have a very structured routine every morning and I’m like, Okay, well let’s let’s ask people that because I don’t really have a good lunch, Richie, I got a lunch routine. I don’t have a morning routine. Just curious.
I just make sure to have breakfast in the morning. Because if I don’t have breakfast in the morning, I will. That’s why I said food because I’m like, that’s me I have to eat breakfast because like I said, I work hard. And when I work hard that means that I well for me, I used to forget to eat back in the day I would work hard college whatever. Like I’m eating I’m going so hard that like I’m not eating and that and I’m not starving myself. I don’t it was an intentional, it’s just that after this paper done. And then I’m like wait, my stomach feels funny I have to eat but it’s like midnight, I didn’t realize it to eat for the whole day. But then as I got as I’ve gotten older I realized you cannot do that you have to be better with your yourself. Okay, because your body, you I always tell people, when you take care of your body it take care of so it take it take it cares of you. And so when you’re young, you can get away with a lot. But as you get older, you’ll feel it. So I make sure that I have a breakfast every morning. Unless I’m doing some fast or something or whatever. I have to have my breakfast every morning. And I try to have lunch throughout the day as well. Just to keep myself continually balanced. Because I know how I am I can go hard, but absolutely push myself. Okay, no, you have to eat now here Here it is you guys take care of yourself you gotta go for so for me it’s food being routine that eating food on a regular basis because it gives you energy and it helps you to stay as to what you need to do. Definitely the brain Do you eat
Justin Trosclair 57:32
a lot of carbs? Are you like nuts? And like healthy fats or anything? Like throughout the data?
Keep the day? It depends on the day. I tried to have my little water bottle let me do that the wide awake throughout the day.
Justin Trosclair 57:44
What kind of fasting are you doing?
Oh, like, hey,
Justin Trosclair 57:49
I need to that I’m interested in I’ve been doing it for like the last month. So I’m just kind of curious.
Oh, no, I don’t regularly do it. I’m saying if I get into that sometimes like yeah, you know, from focus on something or whatever, like so for example, like I’m
I am I’m religious, very highly my faith. I’m a Christian. And sometimes in getting closer to God and going forward in that way, you know, you want to fast something it doesn’t have to be food necessarily will be TV or fast from things that you normally would do, you know, just to just to spend time with prayer and reading the Word for word and all of that. And so 100% agree. So when I have done that, in the past, it has been very helpful. There’s a purpose to it. And I just started myself. And there’s a purpose to it. So that’s sometimes what I do at times. I haven’t done in a long time, though. It’s been a while. But you know, I when I did do that with the best thing. Yeah,
Justin Trosclair 58:48
yeah. I was talking to my wife one time about it. And she wanted to do it, they think p who are Picchu or something like that. And it’s like, where they fast for seven days. And yeah, they get all that manifests physically, biochemically and all that kind of thing. And I was talking to him, I was like, Hey, you want to make this kind of a, you know, because we’re both Christian, can you want to make this sort of like a Christian thing to to have a we can pray about things and all that type of stuff. And it was a new concept, because she really hadn’t explored that before. And
yeah, it’s like there’s a whole nother aspect of this that we could incorporate. Not just feeling hungry.
Justin Trosclair 59:27
last questions. You’re ready. Yes, sir. And so gracious with your time. Any favorite books, blogs or podcasts that you secretly live in up in some that you would actually recommend for others?
Oh, ok. I am a big romantic heart. Romantic, romantic, romantic. Is that what it is? And I love my Christian novels they have ever like romance novels. I like reading those because it’s just different. And it’s light. For me, I have to listen to and look at lightning to run it was whether it’s like books or TV programs or movies, they have to be light. Like, like for entertainment. I can’t look at horror movies. I can’t do it. I can do it. Anyone can do like, I just can’t do certain movies anymore. Like so I’m like light happy movies. I’m a big movie buff. So, okay, I’m, I’m a big nerd understand this. So I’m a huge superhero, Marvel comic, you know, DC Comics, rightfully so. I love all of it. Because it’s clean, it’s clean, and it’s good action. And they don’t make that as much anymore. They don’t. And so that’s why I look at that look at it. Because it’s a good story line. It’s funny, I can look at it with my family, you know, and it’s really fun. And I grew up with that. So to see it from the comic books and the cards to the live movie is an amazing experience. I mean, I mess it up a lot. But that’s besides the point is the positivity You know, when
people they’re trying to do so I can understand that. So I’m really big on that. Star Trek. You know, big, big, big, big, big big Trekkie book fan Star Wars. Here you go dark theater. Yes. Yes, sir.
Watch out. I’m a big movie buff. I love movies. And I enjoyed it very much. Read books, like I like mysteries and things like that, but mostly nice romantic, light, light, romantic, you know, Christian novels, you know, where they wait on the Lord and all that good stuff.
Justin Trosclair 1:01:24
That’s very funny. So you know,
because in this world, it’s so it’s so rough, like they, they make love so harsh. They twist it, you know, and, and I see with it, I see it in my clients and how women have been heard by men and I’m like, my novels don’t do that. You’re happy. And and, and, and they they work it out and they love the Lord
to get married and you’re happy for years to come. And
Justin Trosclair 1:01:52
darn it, it didn’t happen was not hyper sexualized. And these
novels know, it’s really clean again, my my, my big thing, clean, good fun, that’s my main thing with anything that I’m into or watch or you know, cuz cuz for me, if I’m empowering you, I have to be positive myself, I can’t be lower anything. So I’m really big on what I would enters into my mind who I speak to, like, honestly, I can say that. If anybody was to call me on my phone, I can smile and and pick up the phone and speak to them. Because I pretty much got rid of whether it’s time or whatever, I pretty much got rid of all the drama, you know, out of my life over the years because I’m like, if I’m going to be disempowering counselor, do what I have to do. I can’t have people swim alive draining me on a consistent basis, I can’t have that I need to be healthy, how am I going to be healthy for my clients, I have to be healthy to end. So balance. So all those questions you asked for great with balance and all of that, because you need those things to help you be better for yourself and your clients.
Justin Trosclair 1:02:54
And it would seem if you’re already going to be everyday involved with all this heavy emotional stuff from other people as account so you got to find a way to brush that off at the end of the day. Right? And it makes sense that you know, whether it was a Christian thing or whether it was you know, not Christian, but the same topics. Yeah, you might want fluffier stuff because you like know, I deal with someone bull all day, I can’t go home and just watch it as well. And has to give
your like left hand movies I try to stay away from to reel to reel. Oh, they aren’t a
Justin Trosclair 1:03:25
retainer. They probably have you guys on retainer. What’s the craziest stories Give me the top three craziest stories you’ve had this year? Oh, hey, guys, this sellers. Alright, our last question what your favorite phone app and it could be business or pleasure?
Oh my gosh, I’m sitting. So there’s this app is that I mean, I haven’t because if we got it addictive, so I had to stop. I’m like, okay, when when stuff starts getting a little and big. I’m like, Nope, I can do it with my phone. So there’s this app called? Oh my gosh, what is it called? It’s like a were like you You dress your model? So it’s a girl? Oh, yeah, I know. And you you you you get the Africa this call. Because again, I put it on, you know how you don’t put you have apps on your phone face. But then you have apps underneath your phone? Like you have to like swipe to like get to them. So because getting addicted my mother I gotta put it behind. So I can’t see it. You know, so far, so so forgot what it was called. It’s called Africa this call but the point is,
Justin Trosclair 1:04:20
is Android phones right?
Yeah, Andrew. Yes, not because Apple guys don’t do that. Right.
Justin Trosclair 1:04:25
So no, I quit. I quit apple.
So Android, yeah. So you can change the hair? Well, actually, it gives you like a description of it gives you like a it gives you like a clue I still how you should dress the person and depending on if you if you do it, right, you know, you get points, you get bonus points, you get all these things you have to just from the from the head over to the toes, like the person and what the storyline is of the person. So it’s really as much as you dressing up someone is a purpose behind it. So when apo I believe, but
and you know, Facebook, look, I am on Facebook, here and there. What else Instagram, I’m always on Instagram, Twitter, here and there. But those are some of the some of the apps that I
Justin Trosclair 1:05:10
it’s always a fun question. Because some people have like, this is my favorite productivity app. This is my favorite video game, or, you know, whatever. Some people have, like a real quirky, you know, you find some apps and you just like, wow, what is that? That’s amazing. I have to go download it right now.
I’m a girl. So you know,
Justin Trosclair 1:05:31
where can people reach you for more information?
Well, my website is www dot higher life pathways that calm. That’s my website is higher life pathways calm. And you can know about me, you can read up on me, you can see you know, my numbers, my locations, did you want to book me definitely give me a call. All my information is on that website, my Instagram, some of my information is on my Instagram page, Dr. Holder underscore each LP, the same for Twitter, my YouTube channel, I do have it under her left pathways. Also my Facebook page and her life pathways. And all those pages will have all my information, my phone numbers, my locations, everything, and on also inspirational messages for you. So you can definitely check those out. Like my page, subscribe, would appreciate that as well. But yes, sir, that’s where you can reach me,
Justin Trosclair 1:06:25
you do any Telly counseling,
Skype counseling, I’m starting, I’m starting that up, I’m starting that up probably in the next within the next year, I just secured a platform to do that. Because I’m going to be taking this international more so because actually started dipping a little bit in the international flavor with through another platform, I was able to counsel people, you know, in in Paris, in Europe, just different places or whatever. And I know I want to expand that more. But I’ve been getting so many clients that are that is the timing to even do that. Because it’s time. So it’s a good it’s a good problem to have and I’m breaking or if you just have to like balance it and stabilize a little bit more before going into that. So within the next year. Yeah, I’m already already started started setting up with my platform, my video platform, and my charting platform as well. And so to come out, and I’ll probably put that on my website as well. Alright, and so it’s October 2017, for those who are listening when we recorded this. So in case you hear this a year and a half later, and I’m still podcasting
Justin Trosclair 1:07:22
that she is on board, hopefully and you can give her a call. All right. Thank you so much for coming on. This has been a great hour.
Yeah. Awesome. You are awesome. So much was a pleasure.
Justin Trosclair 1:07:35
Dr. Holder, thank you so much for being on the show. I hope you get those Telly sessions going on internationally. That’s pretty awesome. Thank you so much for all your tips on relationships on I would like to say getting out of your own way and sharing those stories like the key with the president and at the schools and people getting that that in their eyes like wow, I can do this too. That is empowering. That is encouraging. And I like it a lot show notes can be found at a doctor’s office perspective.net slash for six travel tip coming up next.
I’ve got some new things to talk about. Of course, you can always review is give us that five star review on wherever you listen, but I got four new t shirts, you know there’s chiropractors some of them that just like to adjust there’s some like me who rehab and you know decompression and cold laser things like that and we call us streets versus mixers so created some mixed tour shirts. They’re supposed to be kind of tongue in cheek Hope you like I’m also the Atlas at remove the DNS so therefore check that out. Maybe I like that better. Today’s choices tomorrow’s health book, version two point O is now out we got nerve stretches optimal calorie counter calculators a section on fasting and a big section on how to budget and try to get your financial life in order all the things that I talked about all the time it’s over 100 extra pages so get it now bonus my new hot off the presses book needless acupuncture self treatment guy for 40 common conditions is finally finished it’s been a in the works for quite a while stop the hurting with no needles are meds, your roadmap to self treat your conditions painlessly with needless acupuncture, it’s got pictures, it has descriptions of course the conditions and I plan to have video tutorials soon go to the website and check it out. Also on the website live in the top right all the social media icons are right there whichever you’d like to follow me on, click that button and say hello
Priceline Have you used it before name your own price that is our travel tip today. I’ve done it many times you just pick the story like put in a price typically below what they what they suggest until you get it you don’t know what you’re gonna get. Did you get it? But hey, at four stars a four star and you get to pick the region you want. Some people definitely don’t want to do it. I enjoy it. It’s kind of fun, spice things up a little bit. Give it a shot.
We just went hashtag behind the curtain and this episode has come to an end. I hope you got the right dose for your optimal life. Please spread the word about this podcast by telling to friends, sharing on social media and visit the show notes on a doctor’s perspective. net to see all the references from today’s guests. sincere thank you in advance. You’ve been listening to Dr. Justin trust Claire giving you a doctor’s perspective.
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