Narcissism and co-dependency are not healthy behaviors and KP_Straatmann of TIKTOK viral videos on these topics will explain it all for us.
As a collegiate softball athlete she naturally became a personal trainer (9 years now). She was fascinated by the mental aspect of sports. When asked why she didn’t do sports psychology instead of a Master’s in Social Psychology and a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling with an emphasis on marriage and couple therapies (still in progress), the answer is quite surprising.
How does an elite athlete like Simone Biles make a decision to quit or continue with the impossible amount of pressure laid on her shoulders?
Narcissism and Co-dependency: what are they and how do the co-mingle so often
Narcissism: lack of empathy, dissatisfied with life, bouts of anger, always center of attention, self-obsession, thinking you are better than others
Co-dependency: people pleasing, not able to function without the other person
Don’t be surprised that a narcissist will gaslight a highly empathetic person who doesn’t understand proper boundaries to get what they want and everything they can out of you. Commonly they will make everything your fault and not take any personal responsibility.
What is Love Bombing and what – how – when does the switch get flipped?
Watch out for Negative Comments ie normally I don’t like girls in glasses but on you.. type of comments.
Person was so enamored with gifts and love tokens and kind words that when negative comments or criticisms do occur, they think they did something wrong and try to please the narcissist.
Listen to find out why this is not the case and how a narcissist will always take more and manipulate you.
Fight – Love Bomb – Fight Cycle
Fight – Love Bomb – Fight Cycle is all too common and even family and friends have a hard time getting the victim to understand that this is not healthy.
Narcissist has a hard day. Other person does something and narcissist yells at them and then later instead of apologizing will say something like, I wouldn’t have yelled at you IF YOU did not do xyz. Then the normal person feels guilty and tries to fix the situation.
What are the warning signs when they are trying to separate you from your friends and family?
How did she get 2.9 million views on a single TIKTOK video?
What is her strategy to have made several other viral videos and to keep the entertaining but learning aspect of mental health going?
How do you pivot that to making money, endorsements and of course getting new clients?
Analyze why you watch the videos you watch
Who are you following on social media and actually consuming their videos? As we say, it could be videos related to your profession that you find interesting and engaging and you can mimic that style. Is your goal to appeal to new patients or to other professionals because that will change your creativity.
If you do find yourself watching mindless videos, what do you gravitate towards that are funny? Can you imitate that but with a learning and fun way for others to enjoy about your profession?
Business Types and practice setups for Psychologists are discussed.
Relationship Advice: It’s not just about communication but Comprehension on what the other is talking about. Also, respecting each other’s boundaries.
Books:The Body Keeps Score The Sociopath Next Door The 5 Love Languages Boundaries
Kelsey Phalen Straatman has her undergrad in Physical Education, masters in Social Psychology and will soon have a masters in Mental Health Counseling (marriage and couples). Also she has been a personal trainer for 9 years.
Show notes can be found at https://adoctorsperspective.net/178 here you can also find links to things mentioned and the full transcript
Episode 178 narcissism is tiktok came? We host. Adjusted r-square. Today, we are Kelsey. Perspective during 2017 and 18 podcast, award-nominated hosts and best-selling author on Amazon as we get a behind the curtain. Look at all types of doctor and get Specialties, let's hear a doctor's office perspective. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in again to a doctor's perspective, Our Guest today does not disappoint, I mentioned Tik-Tok in the episode title, because she actually has a couple of videos that have gone viral one is over two million views. And the topic is for about narcissism and getting out of relationship and we'll talk about how she plans her videos and was that her main goal and how to be entertaining but teaching at the same time and pivot that for patients, so that'll be in the middle of the episode. We also going to talk about what is a narcissistic, all of that kind of going to detail so that way you can be aware of it for yourself for loved ones. And for patients, mental health is important. We talk about that a good bit here on the podcast. Anyway, I think it's near to my heart. It's worth it was my undergrad degree and I read a lot of books on that the books at the end, or that are also on the show notes, going to be quite good before. We hop in the trilingual coloring books, actually, have a sample. 20 different pictures. If you're interested in that, for your waiting room, for the kids in the practice, you go to a doctor's perspective. Net / coloring, that's new. All of the past series that I've done. That's like doctor specific, the rehab, one Etc. The top episodes of each year book samples. The the Amazon book lists. All of those links are in one, nice web page even the Affiliates that I recommend. So that's a doctor's perspective. Net / guide, please check that out. I just want to wish myself a happy birthday. I'm going to be thirty-nine that in a while to me but hey, people still think I look young. So I'm going to go with that and a super excited just to kind of share personal thing. I have a daughter, she's about to be three. We moved to Germany, we were nervous about it, but she has just been excelling at daycare and the person. They're pretty much as who taught her German. So now she's trilingual as well. It could be happier with that. It's amazing to see kids wage. Be able to switch back and forth and to recognize like hey you're not speaking, the language is supposed to be speaking and it makes jokes about it. I know a parent talking about their kid on a podcast but it's pretty cool to see a proud dad. So all right, all the show notes can be found as well as the transcript at a doctor's perspective. Net / 178. Let's go hashtag behind the curtain off line from Germany and st. Louis, we got a fantastic guest on the show, she is an undergrad in physical education, which is right up our alley, and then a masters in mental health. Well, and she's trying to get her master's and mental health and counseling with marriage and couples. But also already has a masters in social psychology. So I guess she really likes school and it's pretty cool. Like, you know, videos are really entertaining on Instagram and Tick Tock which is one of the main reasons why we have our own to talk about the topics that we're going to talk about. We're talking about from four hundred followers to over wage. 13000 and over like a million views and just one video that she produces so please welcome Kelsey, Phelan strotman. Hi, how's it going? Going going going good. Most people don't start out thinking that they're going to have huge hits. I think with with Tik Tok and Instagram, and all of this, because we just were like, okay, we're small. We don't really know what we're doing quite yet. We have to wage it up into that maybe I'll get good after a year but some people find success pretty quickly. I would say that would be you as right? Yes, that would be correct in from the videos. I've seen a lot of it has to do with. I would say not so healthy behaviors like codependency narcissism and those types of behaviors. Yeah. Yes, that's correct. Before we we jump into deep. What's the passion behind the physical education and then switching over to mental health cuz those are kind of different in a different path I would say and then we'll just jumping from their life. You know why these two topics is hitting home so hard. Yeah, so I got into physical education, I played Sports my whole life, played softball in college, and I got injured a lot. So I spent a lot of time in physical therapy and originally one that's going to physical therapy. School was going through a couple of different Rehabilitation with their programs. So I ended up with physical education and decided to become a personal trainer and walk through my nine years now, being a personal trainer. The one aspect that I realized is missing from most of my clients lives, is the psychology aspect, is the psychological the psychological being of wage takes to make change in your life and realizing that factors outside of your life, your environment decide, you know, not decides but it really impacts We're Young.
00:05:15 – 00:10:05
Move forward. How you move forward? What direction you're going and if you accomplish your goals or not, so I decided to go into social psychology thinking that I wanted to do research and I quickly realized my first statistics class that I did not want to get into research and that sitting in front of a computer was not my forte. So I decided to go back. After I completed my masters in social psychology and I wanted to work with people more effectively. I wanted to learn how to give people a tool to help solve their own problems. Take the next step in their life and not just from a physical side but from the mental side as well because all of it is psychology. So why not go to sports psychology as an athlete former athlete? I just I don't have what it takes to handle, I'll say other athletes. I, it's a certain nationality as an athlete that you have to have, and you have to understand in order to be able to advance somebody to the next part of their life. And while we're seeing now, especially, like in the Olympics, like, you know, Simone biles is with your mental health. I can't remember this golfers name, but she withdrew from for mental health, tennis player, did it. Yeah, tennis player. Yeah. And while sports psychology has a lot to do with mental health and that could be a great career path to go down. I've never been to those levels or have the desire to reach those levels. And I feel like I would not be leading the individuals who have that desire down the path that they would need to go down. So yep. Like, I would do better with things that I, I understand more in terms of relationships and, and in that realm, that'd be some kind of pressure to have to not even be able to fathom fathom. You're like, yeah, Simone, you're the best little in the world probably, and then cameras are on you and then you decide to bow out. And I understand, I think both sides of that story like, dude, this is what you're trained for. This is part of the Olympics long. This is you're supposed to be able to overcome this kind of stuff, and then at the same time like you know what, if you know, you're not probably going to be your best and you might cost your team a metal mutteem, right? Okay, okay. Now a personal competitions after that I think they said she might still perform in and, you know, if you lose you lose. I think that's, I mean, I don't know, hopefully, she'll compete in those at least try and and and finish at that point, I'm like, oh wait, wrong one point, you become a quitter. And what point do you say, okay, this is the biggest stage in my life. I need to just do it because hey, right, before more years, before I can do this again, I might have an injury next week and never be able to play a game. Right. Well and honestly, her age already what she's she twenty-four I think something like that. She's oh yeah for gymnast and the other thinks. Absolutely. I mean and that's the other thing is I don't think they even think it's about her being a quitter. I think that at a certain point when you are the best and then everyone has these expectations of you and it's not even just about those expectations of you off your team. But it's the advertisers, it's the well marketing companies people using you to sell their products that if you disappoint them, if you're disappointing, your family life. I mean, I again cannot even imagine that kind of pressure or wait on someone and then have it get in your head, where you're the best and it's affecting your performance. And Michael Phelps, couldn't do that back in a day cuz he said he was struggling with all of that too. Like that wasn't acceptable 20-21. It's acceptable 2020. Yeah. Not back then. Right. And I mean, we look at I mean let's put them on the Celebrity Status cuz clearly that they are wage. It takes a certain type of person to be a celebrity handle, the Press cameras in your face. I mean, I think of Simone biles, even just four years ago or, you know, how do you offer you a kid teenager, and you've got cameras in your face all the time. You know what I mean? Or you Justin Bieber? Yeah, cuz you met like you even imagine, like, being that guy like 17,000. Like, always having somebody in your face. You like, dude, I'm Seventeen, I don't know, I'm doing. What was I just do? Music and sing and we wonder why all these celebrities go through, mental breakdowns. And I mean, it's yeah, it's Dane to the expectations that they have on them. I mean, athletes celebrities, whoever, just the average day-to-day person, the expectations of your environment, our thoughts on your mental. And yeah, I can't even begin to describe what that would feel like this is what I think really, always divorce.
00:10:05 – 00:15:00
What is the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to Mega off? I can't imagine how those two get together and stay together long term because you're so like, who are you? Who am I? I'm not coming in that toilet. What? What, I don't think they can afford housekeepers now at this point. Yeah, I know. They don't have these normal issues. I just think of those types of people. I'm like, wow, you've got to be tough to do the normal relationship things. Because if there's that power Dynamic change, I can imagine like a rack just made some random girl. All right. Well, I think the reason why celebrities like that is because work for at least as long as stated is because they understand each other. They understand the pressures, they understand just that in a moment and whereas your Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie marrying, let's say The Joe Schmo off the street know, Joe Schmo understands what any of that means or the life that they live or dead. How to handle any kind of situations, you know. And there's so many how to handle that kind of money. Well, there's a certain responsibility when you kind of have that kind of money, right? You can log These things but right? Exactly. I mean, just the politics of it, all the psychology of it all the it's it's intense. You have to have someone who understands you to be successful, like a successful relationship. I think this is a great bridge, I think of some of these actors and actresses. And I think my goodness the ego and these people would fill a room right and wrong just because they're famous doesn't mean they have anything to actually strive for personally because they could be completely narcissist. They could have been completely abused as a child or in their previous relationship before they got big money. Codependent. So what are some of these definitions that we're talking about right here? And we can get away from from celebrities, let's go down to like, normal relationships, but I think that's a decent Bridge. Yeah, so I mean there's there's a lot of criteria for narcissism lack of empathy access attention, admiration, almost feeling dissatisfied. Yep. General Life can have bouts of anger when you're not getting your way, always want to be the center of attention. I mean, there's a whole lot there when it comes to narcissism that. It really just about self-obsession and believing that you are superior to others where as co-dependency is people, please and codependency is off, not being able to function without said other person, use it like a narcissist. For example, will you utilize someone who's codependent because that code in person will do anything that they can to please that narcissists. Whereas that co-dependent person doesn't realize that narcissists cannot be satiated, because they get off on doing whatever they can to, or whatever they can get out of you as a co-dependent. So, it's just becomes this never-ending cycle where narcissists are constantly trying to find co-dependence, or people with others or people just who have high levels of empathy, who are great at setting boundaries, narcissist know, no bounds and so they will do whatever they can, they will Gaslight you, they will make a game. Everything to be your fault and not take responsibility for their own actions and how their actions affect others. If you give, they were like, oh great job. Now, they expect that and then they're like need more and then more and more. And so they, that's what you mean. Like, there's never an into what they will request from people to corrupt. And the biggest thing that people don't realize that our sis is, they usually start off with what's called love bombing. Now, love bombing is they come into your life and it's a Storybook Love at First Sight. It's, they're doing all these things. They're saying all these things, they'll tell you, you're there, your soul, your their soulmate. They've never felt this way and they're bringing the flowers in the chocolates and setting up this expensive dates and this and that. But as they're doing that they're sucking, we slowly doing things that are like getting negative like called nagging, like negative compliments like normally, it'll like girls and glasses, but they look good on you and blah blah but they use it off. They use things like that as they go and then they they just flip a switch and then that person who thinks only found my soulmate thinks now they've done something wrong to make the narcissists. Now be mean to them or be upset or be all this and has nothing to do with them. And so it's it's such a tricky situation when it comes to that relationship that I am, Because they were seeing like I am, I'm everything to this person and all of a sudden you're not. Yes, yeah. That's the switch. We like well, what just happened, what am I doing wrong for this person to not treat me the way they were. Treating me.
00:15:00 – 00:20:00
Fine a point if you don't if they're really good they'll get you hooked in married at this point or I mean it's it varies based on. Okay based on a relationship. So let's say, for example, that off I need a narcissist and for for a couple of months, it's heaven on Earth. It's storybook, it's great. And then like we said, they kind of flip a switch off. Well, now I think I've said something wrong. So I'm doing everything that I can to fix something. That's not even broken. Something that was never there to begin with, and I just keep trying and I keep trying and I keep trying and that narcissists will then Kind of gave like little bread crumbs. And then something big will happen like some kind of blow up so kind of fight in there. Okay. And then they love bomb for a little bit and then they withdraw and then I love them and then they would draw. And then it decides just become shorter and shorter, and shorter. And so usually when they get someone hooked into marriage or something of that nature either after a long time of just that constant abuse, that constant cycling, or it's right away, right in the beginning. When everything is great, everything is wonderful and they just want to make sure they have you helped right away. And then once you're hooked, that's when that abuse kind of start that abuse starts cuz now they have you and this is like that honeymoon beating and you're like, surely he managed to beat you before. You got married. Like no, it was the first time he like, were there signs? Surely there were signs right? Right? What's terrible is people who don't understand that off. Worse than what they're quick to judge it. Which I mean, it's human nature is you know, like you said this got there had to be signed the other had to be signs and there's, you know, that you cuz the the chicken wasn't cooked all the way home. I mean, literally that that stuff happens and it's like it's normal to think that. Okay, well I did under cook the chicken like maybe had a bad in a normal person's relationship with that might be okay. My husband had a, my husband had a bad day. I undercooked the chicken. He took his frustration on me, but then he apologized in a healthy relationship. Let's say yeah. Like he yelled at you or something. Yeah. And now let's take that into a narcissistic perspective, same situation narcissistic. I has a bad day wife, undercooked chicken. He yells at the wife. He doesn't apologize though. He blames her off then and he wouldn't have had an outburst if the chicken wasn't undercooked. So therefore it's her fault. So then she feels bad and then she tries just to continually make up Whereas in a healthy relationship, the woman may be like, hey, you don't yell at me. We don't yell at each other. I understand you had a bad day, but we don't do this. That's a boundary to boundary, that's crossed, you know? And so off again, this can be men or women. I'm just, I'm just using men right now in this example, but it doesn't matter here. Yeah, so it's, it's, it happens so fast and it. There's no warning. Zero Nic shells, all the time, all the time, cuz you start to realize, like, it could be anything like, oh, yeah. And that, that gives us give you that crazy. Like, hey, I didn't look as pretty as you respecting today. And so 9 a.m. yes. So say some crazy stuff about. Yeah, you're trying to like, make me not happy and not love you, or want you to, you know, there's something like I was going to take you out, but look at you. I can't take you out like that. Yeah, you can embarrass me exactly. I mean, okay, so crazy stuff like that. Yeah, I mean and it's things that when like, you know again in a healthy relationship, if if a man or woman said that to their significant other, they would be like, okay dead I'm not talking to you to the rest of the night. Like, what are you, why are you treating me this way? But again, it's it's just strategic manipulation that is executed in a specific way to make you question your own reality. If that gaslighting that I may then say, why are you treating me this way? And then a narcissist may say I just need a bad day. I'm sorry. You look fine. I just I really wanted. I was really hoping that you would wear the red dress because you just looked so beautiful in it. And then therefore, I might be like, okay, well, I can wear the red dress. Why wouldn't you just suggest that? Like, I'll go get that. I'll go change again. Sounds real simple, right? Well, then, from that point on the outfit that. Person had on prior, will always have a negative effect in that person's head, because they're not going to want to wear that outfit again because their husband wife, whatever didn't like it. Now now something negative dead So again it's little things like that, that are like, okay well that's reasonable. You had a bad day, wish I would have where the red dress but he just didn't tell me. So I'm going to go change. It's those little things that make such a big difference because it seems so simple and a healthy way. We could have just been saying, oh, you were in the green dress, I was hoping you're in the red dress tonight cuz we're going to go get it up.
00:20:00 – 00:25:00
You can still approach it. Like, if you wanted your wife to change, you can still approach it differently. Great. Probably ahead of time. Like, hey, maybe we can wear the red dress and I can match with you or something like that that you really wanted to see her in that sexy, red dress for some reason. Right. Exactly. And it's just, it's really all about communication. And the, those little town. And when something doesn't feel right? Or something, doesn't seem right, it usually isn't right? It's when I can't stress it. Enough does. The other person know, is that the problem that the person's not like aware of it at the time or their friends aren't able to be like hey, do you see what's going on? And again, every situation is different but that's also how a narcissist will wage. And Friends separate you from your family. So, let's say a friend does notice something and does say something. And then me being in, you know, in, in that spot. Let's say I'd be like, no, like, that's not right. Like I said, it's, it's crazy. You just, you just don't like this person or, you know, whatever. And then later, I would tell my boyfriend or husband, you know what? My friend said, and then he would say, see, they just don't want us to be together, wage. I don't know why this person doesn't like me. I've never, I've never done anything to them. I mean, usually narcissists in society are the most Charming people, you'll ever meet, and the other people around, you would never think that, that person is the way that they are behind closed doors. And that's also how they get you to think that you could or crazy. Because if you do let's say something to someone about it they're like really I never thought that so-and-so would do that or I don't know like maybe you're just reading into it maybe you know it becomes your friends. Your family are also questioning you because yep Don't see it. They hide really good. Yeah. Is there a differences between men and women? So we kind of been bashing on guys but when you are they both look how far they like withholding sex all the time or something or obviously, it doesn't really matter gender-wise to be honest. I mean, all of these traits that we've been discussing occur across from Men, Women trans, whatever it's really about. The manipulation, that is the problem. So, for women, for example, so let's say that you have a narcissistic woman, so she may come across as jealous. She may try to control her husband, boyfriend's, behavior. Let's say when they go out, she met, like, let's say, he goes up to the bar to get him some drinks, and there's a girl next to him. And literally the conversation, like, he may actually bump into her and say, oh, I'm so sorry, and she like, oh no problem. That may be the extent of the conversation, let's say that narcissistic woman sees that conversation. She may then lash out at him and say, oh, you're trying to flirt with other girls, you're trying to do this, try to that, then making the try to embarrass me, you know, making him feel like I should do something wrong by just saying I'm sorry. Just a gross I bumped into her and again, healthy relationship would be like I didn't do anything wrong. I bumped into her, I apologize. Healthy relationship say oh I'm like well and healthy relationship, same would even say anything. Exactly. So it's just it's it's all about the manipulation of an event that happened from a different perspective and not use. They often use psychology to be able to manipulate you. So again, when life is all about perspective in this perspective, he knows what happened. He knows there was no intent there. When she says, it looked like you were flirting with blah blah. He then questions. Well, how how did I say it? What did she say? Did she touch me? Like, in the sense that she touched my arm, say, oh, it's okay. How did that help me that look to her, you know, we're dead? Her own reality. Because people who are empathetic don't want to hurt other people's feelings, we want to try to see everything from a various, various perspectives, Different World Views in order to not necessarily not to offend someone. But just to have a greater grasp on multiple realities, you know, my reality is different from your real life but we can agree on. If we see something certain facts are true, certain facts are false, you know what I mean? But how we interpret it has to do with? I mean, your mood has to do with, how do you say that has to do with all kinds of things? So, I mean something as simple as that can be just crazily. Misinterpreted, for control, are there any common traits that you find growing up? Whether it's like a little certain type of parenting style, like the father, the mother, or like, early relationships, That Could set someone up to either be a co-dependent or a narcissist there. I want to be careful with with that because job, All parents should say, okay, let me rephrase that. Not all I would say most parents, they want they're doing the best that they can. And so let's say that you have in general, apathy child, healthy family but let's say there may be in a lower social economic area.
00:25:00 – 00:30:03
Let's say you have a single mom, single dad, you know, either way you have two kids, they don't have a whole lot of money but that Mom or Dad is working all the time, there's where they're not necessarily, they're giving their child the attention that they need and therefore, because that child is not getting that attention that they need, they develop a narcissistic type of Personality. They want to be the center of attention. They want to be heard, they want attention, so they want admiration. They want, I love that. They're not necessarily receiving now. It's not in a malicious way from the parent by any means. So that's one way. That, that can develop in that sense, let's say, in another sense that you have a mother of birth, Who is narcissistic that child's needs? Then becomes secondary. Third, maybe even last two, whatever that parent wants. So then you have that codependency developing in the child or you have narcissism in the child because the codependent the co-dependency that may be involved in a child in that sense, they want to constantly they use that that narcissistic parent. They're constantly looking for that acceptance. That that love but it's not there. And then on that Flipside when you have a child that becomes more narcissistic because of narcissistic parent, it's it's just that cycle. It's just that cycling Behavior when they model what they've seen exactly. It's it's classic behaviorism and I'm an alcoholic mom or dad. Whatever you got a kid. Well they know roof. If that's come home with a certain type of attitude. If I do something wrong, he's going to hit me or hit the wife. So you learn off. Always the kids playing the role that they have to play so that they can be as happy as that. They can be in that toxic environment, right? I guess that's it could turn. Are trying to all kinds of different behavioral issues. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you've got to be grow up. Yeah, I mean that that's all. I mean there's no flavor fact that you can have more than one fact that you just said, take your flavor is hilarious. Took my Tik Tok. That went viral. I had one of the lines in there was all the flavors. Or I'll just I'll describe that in a minute. But yeah, and there's just a whole mess of different behavioral issues like you just said that can come out of any of those, any of those situations. So yeah. All right. Well, I am curious cuz I don't have you here all day. Respect your time, of course, but yeah, so that's how I actually found you was through Tik Tok and you have these funny videos Alex specially like the last I don't know a week or two is kind of was fresh in my head with your playing the girl you playing the guy with this like fresh relationship out of a narcissist relationship and just basic things and the guys, like you'll still come over, like, you're on your period. It's fine. Like we don't always have to fool around you like, oh, okay. I normally meant to stay home with this other guy. That was one of the ones I just thought. Oh, that's, that's pretty true and accurate. But how did this develop, what were some of the top videos that you did? Or what, what do you learn it? Because this part of this podcast is also about marketing. It's about keeping relationships healthy. Actually we always ask that question and off So let's jump in like marketing cuz this is going to be great for you. A now as an influencer and getting products and money and Views and all that. But at the same time, building a clientele potentially in the future through people, appreciate your type of videos. Yeah, well thanks, I started on Instagram, really. Trying to figure out how to build a following and I followed the same job then cuz he talks about Instagram growth and he's entertaining. And so, as I kept trying to do figure out different ways of going about things, I literally I was just, I was sitting on a couch thinking of different ways I could do stuff and I realized Snapchat has a whole bunch of filters and one of them's a guy and like, just with the beard. And so, what I decided to do was I have a scenario in my head and I'm like, I experienced a narcissistic relationship personally, which also drives my motivation and I'm like, you know what, I could I can just use my own experiences and I could just play full size of New Jersey. Healthy related to like, and the anxiety that I faced in the healthy relationship of oh, oh no, I don't do that. Oh, okay, that that's how this is supposed to go off. So I I go on Snapchat and I'll record it and then I'll just save and then just compile it intake talk. And I'll compile it or Instagram, reels, and it just kind of came together. So now I just write down any all these ideas and people tend to like it, I guess. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty awesome. I mean literally like I was telling you earlier want my video. That went viral was me getting ready and I was I missed a phone call and panicking in panic and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't, I'm sorry.
00:30:03 – 00:35:02
I'm like explaining myself explaining myself and the guy who goes like whoa, it's all good. I just wanted to know what kind of ice cream you wanted and she's like ice cream really dead. He's like, yeah, it's all good. When you didn't answer, I just got, I just got all the flavors and that's like all the flavors and he's like, yeah, they'll see it a bit, it was like, okay, see you in a bit, you know, and wage. I mean it's so simple and I'm like, like this is what went viral. This is what they've been teaching me, right? I just like it was a million views. I think it's up to 2.9 million views, 2.9 million views. Yeah. Has this created any Buzz for you for years like influencing status or like pitching products and those types? I mean I can I haven't haven't quite applied to do that yet mostly because I'm afraid. I there's a psychology aspect. There I'm a little afraid that if I like go to apply for a Creator, fun and Tick Tock that all of it's just going to go away like oh but I mean I I will I'm just, I'm having so much fun doing these jobs and I have a couple other videos that almost have a million views that I think is pretty awesome. And I have a couple of videos I'm going to do later after this, and it's it's just fun to be be able to be creative and something that is so silly, but it's on such a serious, relatable topic and I'm just excited that I thought about doing it. So I think one of the Planning is actually writing down, like this is, you know, brainstorming for, I don't know, thirty minutes, ten minutes, brainstorming ideas and then like these are good and then you can kind of play out like a script or not. It's a script, but faith is what you would want to cover. And then like okay let me do a few takes to see what would actually be funny or entertaining. Yeah, absolutely. I'm trying to figure out, how, how does that affect them like somewhere else? I'm like, I feel like doing this at. The grocery store would be a little odd, but I'm building some confidence to it. But yeah, like you're just saying coming up with the ideas and just writing them down and having a process and then took that out there is the best marketing strategy that's worked for me so far. I mean, I've had so like I said earlier, I'm a personal trainer and I've had members of the gym come up to me and say your tech box are hilarious. Like you're on, take care. What a lot of people that see that. Yeah yeah I mean I literally when my that video went viral my co-worker came up to me and goes to her tic tac toe Or something like yeah it's got its got a lot of views. He's like me to use it happened. I told him and he. Yeah yes. That's so awesome. Please tell him another co-worker's. Not looking at my dude. Chill, it's okay. Like I said okay you could buy me a coffee if you want to know, you're excited. I mean yeah I'll take your next client if you want. I mean. Yeah, right. So yeah, it's nice. When there's so many people out there that have experienced narcissistic relationships and others around you don't understand cuz they haven't experienced it, it it can be a little isolating. And that's so it's great that in this community on Instagram, Tik Tok that you can find and empathize with so many other people that are like, oh my gosh, I struggle with this too and they may not even known. Yeah, I just caught talked over. Like, there's a really weird bad relationship that I'm glad I got out of and it's the story that they had like oh, that was the thing, right? Exactly. It's yeah, I'm George. Happy that people are liking what I'm doing and that I'm I wanted to I needed to find creative ways to be able to get that message out there because people want to be entertained, they want, I mean, wage, they want to learn but it's almost secondary to being entertained and if the learning can happen while they're enjoying what they're watching, or what they're doing, then it then it's worth it. Well kudos because, you know, many people want to do what you're doing and it's like, how do I make this fun, you know? Yeah, they see the Instagram people, they buy the courses and they're like, well, what am I supposed to do? That would be entertaining to talk about, you know, child-rearing or co-dependents and all this kind of stuff. You like that. Allow you to make that entertain that people would want to follow me. Cuz I mean as a chiropractor as a physiotherapist probably what you're doing, there's a lot of good videos out there. Oh yeah. And they're all between like 3 to 7 minutes and I'm like I'm off on Tik Tok ER Instagram to watch your 7-minute video about low back pain, right stretches with their band balls or whatever. Yeah. But if it was quicker and it's not even a minute. It seems long with these things but maybe I'm just being inpatient off. It's just honestly, I mean this like, I mean, honestly statistics show that if there's some if you're watching something and it doesn't get your attention, instead of seconds, you'll move on seven seconds. Most likely it's shorter than that. Like in the first two seconds you have decided. If you're going to continue watching this, for at least another few or if you're going to scroll and it might not even be that it, you're not interested in it.
00:35:02 – 00:40:02
But that's why we have that saved button on on Instagram because sometimes one of the moot, which is on the mood for it yet. You know, and really good, but I don't want to do that right now. I'm in the middle of doing this. I don't need to learn about pure form of stretching at the moment. Exactly. And I mean, I would say that the biggest thing is follow, you know, following people that you're interested in learning from that girl your attention. So when people are trying to figure out like you said well how do I do this? Will look at the people that you're following. Why are you following them? And what is it about them that attracts you? To their material, because there's thousands of people out there who are bikini models, or, you know, we're looking at this exercise or this person stretching or, you know, whatever or I'm following, this person's podcast, or you all of that. But why there's thousands of people talking about the same topic talking about the same things but you chose this person. And so it's asking yourself those questions and say, okay well I am attracted to this type of entertainment. So I need to then also be delivering that type of entertainment cuz those are my people, those the people and trying to reach and it's not wrong, right? If you like a straight-up serious, a plus b equals c and b, a + b, c b that. But if you like gag reels, and things that you do and and play on, I don't know if you were to call that acting job. Yeah. Then do it. Try it out. Even in a sub, probably at first, but don't worry these things disappear pretty quick. My my, my Middle School Drama. Teacher would be proud. So, I'm excited about that. Yeah, exactly. Yep. I mean, honestly, for me. So like me saying all that is, there's just one psychologist Dr. Julie Smith and I believe she's in England. But I spent following her for, for a while now. And not share your started. Just doing your normal like informative videos and within the last, like, few months, she started incorporating necessarily acting but acting out her metaphors. So for example, she thought of her most recent ones, such soft top, my head, she had an apple and a cooking and she was talking about goals and she was talking about achieving goals and and making behavioral change happen, like make changing habits. And so, she's like, well, you know what? This is the cookie. This is what we do now, this is what we want, and we're trying to switch to the apple, and we constantly creating the cooking for canceling with cookie. The apples never going to be a permanent change because we don't view the apple as important or as desirable as the cooking and therefore, where you're looking at your goals, from where you are now to where you want to be. If the apple is where you want to be dead. It has to be more desirable than where you are right now. And so just acting out of that metaphor visually. What I'm like, that's what I need. My, I need the actual representation of what I'm trying to get across, and that's how I came up with this idea, to do the whole filter, Snapchat deal. That's a great thing. That should be a really big take home. I think a lot of people always say, listen, think and implement, this could be something to implement is really trying to find out who are you watching? And even if you're like, I don't really follow anything in my field cuz sometimes you just want to break from your day-to-day reality. Yeah, okay. Well then, what do you find yourself scrolling? You know what I mean? Exactly, unfortunately, I got into prints like, people, they do silly things like, they're walking down the street and they'll just say crazy stuff. Yeah. And I guess sneak into it for like a couple like a week or two and all of a sudden, like, oh no, my algorithm has changed. I'm watching this stupid crap. That doesn't, it's just like, all right. I gotta look at more stuff than like dead. Up and get back to the things that matter, but like I'm watching it, I'm like, oh that's funny. Oh, that's funny. And so if I keep note of this is like, all right, there could be ways to incorporate this if I really try to to do it for life or whatever, without having girls in bikinis and like, in the next 20 have having that break of just, again, figuring out what you like to watch and all other kinds of things. Different Realms. You know, whether it's people fall in or if people say in different things or stretching, or whatever it's night, it's nice to have that that diversity because the content you put out there is diverse. I mean, your podcast is diverse mean, it's geared toward doctors but the same time you're talking about all different kinds of topics and all different kinds of Life perspectives and it's just what you're trying to put out there is educational but it's fun, you know. And so it's we want that everyone wants out for their life, something that's educational and fun. And so again just that methodology that the Livery is what's a dog. What attracts us to doing what we do? Yeah. Do you have to be licensed in every state that you would want to have clients in, you know, if you, if you're doing a lot of Tik Tok and people start figuring out like, oh, she actually took a mental health counselor person. Each state has their own guidelines. It has their own credentialing. And so there are certain states that work with each other. Every state has their birth has their thing and it's more just about.
00:40:02 – 00:45:04
If if I have a client in Oregon who wants to talk to me, I would have to look at their laws and Missouri's laws and how that song that goes. I'm sure like NASA National counseling board would be able to weigh in on that. I mean, they're low, you know, local state counseling for it to be able to wait on that. And the good thing about covet I will say and and just moved to the internet with Telehealth being more prevalent. Now it opens up a whole new area that I don't know. That National counseling Society has has addressed yet or maybe it maybe. The process of addressing. And that is exactly what I want to do address that, right? Exactly, like know, just keep it in Louisiana in Louisiana owner, that's it. I know, I know, but it does allow to be easy to do that. And so, I am one, I'm curious, if in the next year or two years, if we'll see any kind of regulations put in place for online, counseling out of state, I'd be interested if they would start incorporating that because then technically, we can reach more people in from a marketing perspective. I mean, why not like, for Chiropractic is mostly just jurisprudence. What are you allowed or not allowed to do, right? Not every stage like that, they might have actual more requirements. And I know of think North Carolina had a one of the one of our boards you have to have a certain score on top of everything else. So you might have a good score but you didn't have the score that they needed. You had to retake your test to practice their. What do you think about this? It's a, it's a very popular right now, for more and more people to just go cash and to get out of the insurance game. Because why not actually make 90 bucks an hour and wage. Of making forty-five. Yep. With all the write-offs yeah, is that difficult? You know, I was watching the video a guy saw somebody out of it with a fancy like Lamborghini and it was a bunch of ladies and he's like, hey what did she do? And of course, I'm more like I'm a housewife have been a lot of them relations but the ones that he's with the rest Dubai. I'm a counselor, I'm a counselor like Jude, what the hourly rate to be able to afford that type of car, you know? Yeah. So I was just thinking, well, maybe it's one of those things like depend on where you live or the client can tell you're looking for, you could charge those higher rates are at least command of a fee and not have to worry about billing and all that kind of stuff but you'll have groups to help you with that. So it really just depends on on sport practice. So counselor who's Tom Brady? Most likely has their own private practice and they most likely have a number of doctors working underneath them or counselors working underneath them to where they're benefiting from that as well. But so many different wage. Good things, Aunt pros and cons, to having your own practice versus working, you know, for somebody. And one of them is the payout. But let's say that I'm, I'm getting forty, I'm taking home $45 an hour vs them. I know that going in, I don't have to worry about my insurance. I don't have to worry about billing. I don't have to worry about filing or doing. You know what I mean? I'll have to only thing that I have to worry about is myself getting into work like life, doing the case notes that kind of stuff. But if you want to impress assuming that you're working in a clinic, sorry, I apologize for not clarifying. Yeah, yeah. That that would be a person working in a click. Now let's just say that I'm someone who owned my own private practice. I can determine what I charge. I can determine if I want to charge $90 an hour or if I want to charge $250 an hour, it also depends on again, off demographic in the area that you're working in someone who's working for non-profit, or has started up a non-profit in inner-city is going to be taking Insurance versus going to be taking cash or they may take cash dead. But you know what I mean? It's, it's just hold both or two, totally different positives, and two totally different negatives. And so, it really is just based on how much Faith effort you want to put in to making that extra money. If you want your own private practice who you want to serve, right, and we want serve exactly what your goals are. Cuz I mean, I've heard podcast where people always after the most affluent, anybody who makes over eighty five thousand or a hundred, twenty five thousand, that's what we want to get for. Because they have the disposable income, blah, blah blah, and they charge High rates blah, blah blah. But then there's people that do cheap affordable rates. So the middle class can get or even potentially poor people can get it and then they're like, but they both have problems. You got the attitude of the rich people and you got the attitude of the poor people. And really, it's just been who you want to serve and who you want to help because at certain price range, you kind of knockout one or the other. If it's really cheap. Rich, people don't want to go to you. And if it's too expensive, then of course the poor people can't afford you more than like maybe one or two treatments and you're like last night can be enough. Anyway, so maybe just go down the street and Jersey. Your money, right? It's just like when you're picking a specialty, right? You decide, you want to be a chiropractor instead of going into medicine, instead of going into like the medical field where you're, you know, in that song. Yeah. If I decide as a counselor, I'm choosing marriage counseling family and couples versus going to a psych ward and wanting to counsel people who are strictly dealing with depression, strictly dealing with Suicidal Thoughts.
00:45:04 – 00:50:02
Don't, you know? It's it's all about the niche. You're trying to focus on and when you, for example, if I'm going to more affluent area, I may still be, let's say let's unless I am working with depression, I may be working people who are depressed in that area. Their depression is still real and not same as someone who is from lower class area. But the problems like these that are different. And so it's really about what type of person do. I want to be dealing with some a day to day and like birth. Being in the middle, it doesn't necessarily. It is necessarily going to attract both having a moderate price. Doesn't mean that you're going to have more people. It's really is about the effectiveness of your counseling or of your chiropractic work or you know, it's word-of-mouth it's advertising and if somebody like your personality it's it's so much more than just, what you're charging and and who you want to work with what your goal is, who you want to reach. Y'all have like a enough time to figure that out, you know, like a medicine. You can you do rounds and you're like, I think I'm going to like this page and say you apply for it. You like oh, I hate Orthopedics. Oh, what do I do now? Like I hate depression, just get over it G. Right, right. But you have like you may find out like these people are just making me depressed. So then you're like, all right what do I do now? Like are you stuck or do you like go through the whole program again to do marriage counselling, instead of depression and anxiety which I'm pretty all go back. Other but no well, so like in clinicals for example, to like the last nine months of our training is this whole clinical work. And so basically you're working with a variety of people who had different things going on so you may cover some marriage and family counseling, you may cover some depression. You may cover. This is a whole different realm of of issue, some with anxiety and not through that. You can kind of, you can kind of figure out what you like, what you don't like. And let's say that there's some people, for example. They let's say they like working with people who have anxiety them do that for five years and then they may start to get burned out and through continuing education classes also, you, you know, you get to pick and choose what you want to continue to learn about where where you're interested in. So then you may find that you may you may work a little bit or you may start taking on clients instead of just having anxiety, may start taking on clients. Who marriage counseling clients or you know, whatever and it really just depends on again if you have your own name, Practice or, or if you're looking toward your own practice, or if you're at a practice, if you're out of practice that manages anxiety, you may have to go somewhere else, you know? So similar wage, it came to the point where you like, oh no, I've been doing the same thing for so many years. That's what I'm known for, but I hate it now. Well boy, do I keep going, or do you change it? And that's a tough. That's sometimes, that could be a tough game, you know, that can be really something and, and I can't speak on that. But yeah, too early. But I can't say, I've been trainer personal trainer for nine years, and I'm trying to make this switch into counseling. So I think it really comes from just knowing yourself and knowing people. And if you're making that change, like, oh, I'm really good at this. People know me for years, but if they know that I'm good at this and I'm going to switch to this. They may also follow me there. I mean, and again, depends on if you're just as a counselor, if you're going from one area of specialty chewing gum, Free of specialty versus me. How I was just describing, you know, change in career. You know, it's not trust in the person that you're working with and like okay well now I know of someone who is really good at what they do in general and cares about people to do their last two questions, you ready? Yeah. Any books that you would recommend the People based on the topics that we've discussed, everything from narcissism to, how to get a thousand followers on Instagram. Okay, we can go the whole topic on that one. All right, so I have a whole bookshelf of books that I have read Parts, partially, and read novels yet, but two books that I'll say have really impacted my perspective. First off the sociopath next door. Oh my goodness. It lays out just statistics and statistics about how many sociopaths out there there really are. What a sociopath is a birth. Narcissistic personality is, how do I identify your things. We talked about, you know, how do identify certain things and it was just, it was entertaining and it was logical. It was rational, and it was informational the other one that I would recommend would be is, it's called the body keeps score and it talks about how trauma impacts the body, the mind off, and how it plays out in your everyday life.
00:50:02 – 00:55:00
So, trauma could be as severe as physical sexual Trauma, from when you're a kid, to just the narcissistic that we're talking about. Now, a nurse being in a narcissistic relationship or experiencing a tornado, or, you know, whatever trauma means to the person. How if it impacts you in a negative way? I talked about PTSD talks about how your body react to those psychological issues. Talks about when PTSD was first labeled dead. DSM. And it talks about just so many different things. How people vary in you and I can experience the exact same events a car accident, and you and I will come up with completely different experience, how it affects us from here on out are different triggers. It talks about what triggers our talks. Just like to talk all day on it. But yeah, it sounds like a nice primer course if you don't know much about this. But she seemed intriguing you could really learn a lot from just reading that book. It's a it's a heavy book. I will say it's it's a lot of information, it is heavy to read. Just I mean not it's not a real big book but it's just eye-opening and it's I think I ran out of a highlighter just in the first third of the book, you know, this is important but the important is important things that I want people to know that when someone says that they're, they're getting triggered their anxieties, make sure they're having a panic attack, they're having an anxiety attack. Over something simple. They they walk into a bar and see something here. Something that just clicks, it's not something to take lightly and no one is doing it to get attention and it's it's just it's great. I'd recommend it perfect. So the final piece know is great, it gives a reason. Some people are reason to get the book, it'll be Thursday. The, our book lists have an Amazon book lists that I keep from all the guests. So it's a doctor's perspective. Net /, booklist hers will be on it. Last question is we talking about all this crazy relationship stuff but how do we actually keep our relationship healthy any tricks or secrets? You are married? You said at least behind the the scenes. Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah, I am married. I was very young and that I met my husband right after my narcissistic relationship that I had and he had experienced trauma with his ex-wife. That, you know, they just weren't meant for each other, you know. The kid very much about the other but just communication wasn't there. But anyway what I will say is it's not necessarily communication but comprehension of what your life Partners trying to say to you, it's also about setting and respecting boundaries. So when I say that I'm not saying that you need to come up with a bunch of rules that are for your purse. Follow you need to trade, you don't need to train your person to be who you want them to be, but you have to know for yourself what your deal breakers are in a relationship, how you want to communicate if in your relationship and and be clear with what you're looking for. Is what you want and if you don't know that needs to be communicated. Also, no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. And make sure you have someone who is willing to work with you to build a healthy relationship. You're not necessarily going to get it right right away. You know it's but it takes off. From both sides, but at the end of the day you know that you both mean well for each other and you're not Sackett. Yeah. That you mean well for each other and that you respect each, other's boundaries and say you have to want to be there, you know. Would you recommend the boundaries book by Townsend? I think is I have not read it but it sounds like something I should read. They have boundaries for everything. I mean for teenagers boundaries for adults, boundaries for I think it's something Townsend boundaries in dating as well. So it's really cool like Pounders and parenting. So, all these different things where it teaches you, what you're just talking about. Because when I first read that book, after my divorce, one of those things, I was like somebody recommended books should be good and I was like, oh wow. Look at this. This is interesting. Like I said different, if you never really thought about you, like some stuff you probably going to have because of just the way we are and they started realize like, oh, this really helps with dating. I think when I was going, when I was back out there, you know, it was like, yeah. Trying to figure out like like what are your thoughts? Breakers and doesn't, I don't care what your deal breakers are. But if, if that's a deal-breaker for you, for some reason, hopefully, it's something more important than like, you know, hair color, but right, right, right. But hey, we Betty Wright, okay, but his deal-breaker but oh and one more one, more the five love languages. Now I know some people are going to I roll on that for sure cuz my husband do they do it and it works definitely is an eye-roller off credit well.
00:55:01 – 01:00:02
But in the reason being is because it's not that the five love languages are set in stone. You know, I truly do believe that there's different variations of a love language but not understanding. What those are, what it means helps with the comprehension of what's on the trying to tell you, you know, I mean so if I'm trying to say that, I want my husband to to vacuum or claim or whatever, which isn't a problem, because I'm the one that has a problem with that. But anyway, if he's not doing it, but he doesn't understand why I'm getting mad. He just thinks that nagging him. It comes down to Georgia. Downtown related to something that he thinks is important. So in I believe that love languages book and I can't remember the specific. Well, this is how I remember it, and I could be wrong. But it was basically the wife wanted the husband to vacuum clean whatever, and he wasn't doing it. He wanted to be more intimate with her, but because he wasn't doing that, she didn't want to do that. And so they obviously took as well, their therapists pointed out. Okay, you vacuuming doing the dishes for her is just like how you feel when she has sex with you and he was like, oh, that choice a day. Let's do this. Like, let's get this done. Like, I'm in, you know, but it was that point that he just didn't understand what that was like for her. And why that was important for her but acts of service was her legs, which were as physical touch was his and so again it's the comprehension of what someone's trying to set, you know, and what it means to them. It helps so much that like with with my marriage because I know she's happy. Of the ins wants to talk about our is crying about whatever, okay? Just is the classical, don't fix it, just be there, give her a hug, let her talk and then that it really helps and it's but it works really well. It doesn't take it that much time. I think even quality time people, they don't need hours and hours. If you just give them thirty minutes to let them talk about their day or whatever it is, then they'll feel happy and then you're like, all right, so back to my own thing now we're good, we're good, you know, that would necessarily be You know, the average, the average amount of time that she she's going to ramble on about something not my way. But in Genesis, I'm quality though, but you always hear the people like that was watching the football game and I was on my phone while she was telling me about her daim. Like yeah, that's not going to count. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Right. Being present and listening that. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. All right well what can people follow you and contact. You my username is the same on Instagram as it is on Tik Tok it's k p underscore strotman. Strong spelled s t r, a m a n n. Thank you so much for being on the show. I do hope that gets more followers. I mean, it'd be pretty hard to, to gauge that, but I only think the topics you brought people understand it. They'll they'll resonate with them and hopefully they can pick up some of these books that you mentioned so they can get a lot more aware for themselves for the patients that they have to talk to every day and maybe even the way they interact with birth. Family. So really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for having me on here. So excited that you asked me to do this. This is fantastic. I really appreciate it. Another great interview has ended while you're on your phone, click that review button, right up a nice review for me. Five stars. If you could as everyone says an industry, it'll help other people to find us. When we have another inking, not to mention, I'll mention you and your review on an upcoming episode. If you follow me at all on Instagram, you know, you only get one link. So I use a link tree and so it's a doctor's perspective. 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Justin trosclair MCC of course at a doctor's perspective. Net on the top right you got all the social media icons that you can. Imagine click your favorite and reach out. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please tell a friend pass it along. You can go to. Net it's just that easy. It'll open log. Right in your app and don't forget, I appreciate you. Listen, critically think and integrate see you on the minisodes hope you're enjoying those. I'm definitely having fun summarizing these podcasts and less than 10 minutes from you. You get the Nuggets without having to waste your time. Have a great week off, a boy, and a girl.